Morality vs. Instinct and READING

While I was recuperating in the hospital I had the pleasure to watch Joel Olsteen’s sermon for Father’s day. Not sure that was the reason for that particular sermon because it could have been pre-filmed or re-shown but it was quite a show. I did not watch the whole sermon but it was deep, I can’t really say what it was about in particular but it seemed like it was about some fundamental ways to handle situations in a Christian way. That is my impression but he was so much more eloquent using the bibles verbage. He really is a very successful and charismatic preacher. Kind of reminds me of a robot as well. I don’t know his religion but based on wealth as a testament to his success (a motivational type speaker), godliness (but not really but certainly looks like it), and the size of the audience as well (which is huge). As big as Robert Tilton ever was. Robert Tilton was a nut. A big one. Exaggerated to the nth degree, spoke in tongues and yet people came by the thousands to witness his sermons. Below is a you-tube of Robert Tilton eventually speaking in tongues after his introduction which I transcribed part of the conversation below so those that are caught up in his conversation might read it instead which can be eye opening sometimes. It can change the meaning of a conversation you hear when you read it instead and the same thing goes when looking at a bible and adoring it or hearing it (by word of mouth) vs reading it, or looking at a Health Care Mandate such a Obama Care vs reading it. It sure helped me to catch some important information when transcribing the CBS reports via tapes of the hours before and after the assassination as well as photos and film and snapshotting the films in order to see better what had occurred by the film measures/frames per second because our eyes are not as fast to recognize some things or actions that happen quickly as witnesses not having the premonition or knowing ahead of time what is going to occur making the witnesses and victims be at a disadvantage to the person(s) who is aware such as the perpetrator. Let me tell you those moments are full of some IMPORTANT information worth investigating. Like hidden pictures and tells a story. Might not have needed a Warren Commission if some had tried. If I can do it Geeeez you would think others could, too.  If our Congress had read it it would not have gotten to the stage it has and to the extent of causing so much political stress and rancor and insanity which can only be the reason for problems we face today in the USA politically. I have no idea what caused our Congress to have not read what they signed as far as a bill that was so extensive and damaging to our country besides some kind of poison or some kind of mental deficiency possibly caused by some kind of chemical interaction (devils breath in the air system b/c it’s an invisible substance without smell or taste?) and Nancy Pelosi suggesting the Congress just signs it, which everyone knows being said over and over again receptively on film by the press, for getting Obama Care passed and figure it out later in order to find out what was in it which of course is ridiculous but it happened. Was she involved in some kind of drug without the knowledge of those she may have tricked/laced…their donuts?? It seems probable since she suggested the signing of a bill that was not read as if she was involved in the trickery by those that are supposed to read what they legislate. Talk about a bad influence and a-typical of the RCC who don’t like their parishioners reading the bible for many eons in order to control the parishioners and screw their parishioners thus screwing everyone else by their actions and possibly using the same substance to add to the Eucharist to be able to control the parishioners. Sounds far fetched but was used in South America and found in Columbia and used to control the slaves who dig for diamonds in mines or work in other industries as cheap, cheap, cheap labor for those who don’t like to pay overhead such as the mob and looks like flowers in its original form that hang like or similar to Morning Glories in flowering tree from (hanging gardens type flora) to rob people by low lifes and lasts for about 4 days if blown in the face of the victim and the victim is or becomes a slave of suggestion without memory. A derivative of the drug is the drug that prevents sea sickness so obviously used by those who travel by sea or have business using ships (Onassis) and I think it was also used in the JFK assassination because it is also in the flowers on the table in the flower arrangement in front of Jackie Kennedy which she licks at (believe it or not as if addicted) on film and on the morning of the assassination in Fort Worth. Obviously, Pelosi thought she could get away with it (Jackie Kennedy did or her handlers), but how?

Is Devil’s Breath The World’s Scariest Drug?

The most dangerous drug in the world: ‘Devil’s Breath’ chemical from Colombia can block free will, wipe memory and even kill

The flower of the Datura plant, from which devil’s breath is made.

The robbers that turn their victims into ‘zombies’: Paris gang ‘blow powerful Devil’s Breath drug into their faces to send them into a trance-like state’

Brugmansia

Bob Is Going to Pray In Tongues For a MomentNow I’m going to pray in tongues for a minute and maybe you’ve never heard that before. I remember the first time I heard someone praying in tongues I just listened and listened and uh I had never heard anything about that because frankly the church that I grew up in didn’t believe that those things happen today but you know they didn’t believe there was demons and if there is demons there all in Africa, but I had demons in my house opening and shutting doors. You know those folks that say there’s ghosts and stuff, that’s demons and Jesus cast out devils and those devils are demons, same things. They’re not there to help they’re there to hurt. We know there was a demon of blindness and deafness and infirmity. They steal; we know they steal and uh we had those things opening and shutting doors in our house and lights going off well I didn’t know anything about that stuff and no one ever taught me and showed me scripture in the bible Mark 16 and 17 where they cast out devils in Jesuses name so finally, you know, they make all this stuff out of haunted house, that’s demons. You want to go..If you don’t know who you are in Jesus and the authority that you have and the power that is in that blood man that’s stupid to open yourself up to stuff like that: it’s demons, psychic, that’s counterfeit gifts of the holy spir that’s just a counterfeit. You know when you open yourself up to demonic activity and I tell you, you better watch that dimension. You don’t want to be involved in that dimension. You don’t want to read your horoscope you want to read the bible. You want to hear what God says and take it and mix it with faith. I’m getting a little Pastorial right now: So ma ta le tee da la ma cool. Man de ekee sheety ora ba shata man de caloabaho de keeshie ……………..”

A brick shy but made millions of dollars somehow.

LOL, The guy is a fruitcake, obviously.

Robert Tilton: From downfall to windfall: Living on a prayer

People flocked for Jim Jones of Guyana and crossed an ocean to do it and shared poison committing mass murder suicide using cyanide poisoning in their lemonade or koolade and I guess it is possible Mother Teresa of Calcutta got wind of it or vice versa.

Just a few of Jim Joneses friends poisoned to death.

 918 people committed mass suicide using poison laced kool aid and 318 children were murdered in Guyana on November 18th “in the year of our lord” 1978, mostly black (african americans). A few of our Congressmen or Senators were also murdered who were investigating the cult and had flown in which may have prompted the murder suicide of a bunch of members of the People’s Temple after the Congressmen and camera men were murdered at the airport, I think.

Jonestown

The Jonestown Massacre

Houston is a very nouveau riche area in parts that Joel Olsteen preached and preaches to which is perfect in order to affect new successful owners of businesses and rich kids basically and to pull the wool over their eyes. He is extremely talented and poised, good looking and quite adept at bible concepts some of which he has honed to a great depth but he is not totally honest IMO.

Like Cal Thomas who is not truthful or he would also admit that the mustard seed is not the smallest of seed. What or who is Cal Thomas afraid of?

I have yet to hear him or Charles Stanley above (pretty close in stature in the Christian religion) explain the mustard seed the smallest of seed predicament. I would be impressed if they could admit a truth which might help them and everyone else as well. He was involved in the JFK assassination at the very least by association leaving the hospital where JFK was taken after being assassinated. Looks like a monk on the right, but it is him.

This guy was at the luncheon that was jFK’ next stop after being in Dallas at the World Trade Center and blamed the audience of the death of JFK in his cultic style and was the leader (I think) of the biggest and largest Methodist Church/Comgregation in Dallas Texas and was also at the Book Depository investigating something or in charge but was photoed a bunch when JFK was assassinated. Looks like Ted Cruzes dad the one that was in the bear hug with Heidi Cruz when Ted almost knocked her (his wife) out with his elbow during the run for the Presidency of the Untied States.

“Dr. William H. Dickenson Jr long time server of God pastor of Highland Park Methodist Church to say just a word and then to pronounce the benediction.

Dr. Holcomb leaves and Dr. William H. Dickenson Jr. comes to the podium.”

I transcribed the CBS news reports twice to learn about the assassination which tipped me off to a bunch of information and about the RCC and is on my site called Merangue’s Blog if you are interested. This particular segment is one part of the first time I transcribed what occurred that day which I have linked called Part two.

I don’t know what the problem is with admitting the mustard seed isn’t the smallest of seed because it isn’t and perhaps God wants us to come to terms with that TRUTH. I think we should. Could it be some people are really screwed up who are in the business of faith? It does appear to be a factor, doesn’t it? Perhaps the mustard seed debacle is the reason for the kind of deception that kills, murders and hospices people. Not sure how it works but there seems to be a connection

between the mustard seed, faith, deception, and death.

I think Joel Olsteen is much more talented than any other preacher in his deliverance of his sermons and touched on some very beautiful truths but not in this world. IN HEAVEN PERHAPS, if there is one. I tried to go by some of those tenets in my life that he explained when dealing with some things in my life in not quite so pure a way but because it was right and it didn’t work out mostly because of the church and in particular I think because of the RCC and the BGEA (and including the Baptist Church) mostly and perhaps are his hills to climb yet. We all have those sometime in our lives no matter how pure we think we are.

I remember Joel Olsteen’s wife was pulled off a plane she was on during the Obama administration by the Secret Service for some reason which is an unusual thing to occur. WHY? Why would the Secret Service want the wife of a preacher even if he runs a scam?

It happened to someone else, too, earlier that was in the news. Someone famous, during the first Obama administration. I don’t remember who it was and maybe it was Joel Olsteen’s wife and it kind of reemerged in my mind after seeing his sermon the other day and seeing her as his support. I had never seen her before and he seems to have lost some weight since the last time I saw him tele-evangelizing which I do not normally watch. I know the guy from Waco a musician who was kind of famous and outspoken about politics and was a Christian more of a Chrisitian into the right to bear arms kind of Christian a constitutionalist patriotic Christian and I guess he ended up as a guest at the second Presidential State of the Union address by Obama and for some reason was invited when he honored some hero a Navy seal group (6) which seemed to be a retelling of some earlier event and a woman who spent her life or part of her life dealing with leftover explosive land mines still buried because of wars the kind that are buried in other countries and was rescued from her kidnappers and wore a scarf like or burka kind of scarf. Princess Diana made it an issue before she died as did Angela Jolie in the UN movie she made with Clive Owen (a handsome english actor and a good one as well) when she eventually stood on one and gave up her life for the love of Clive Own the daddy of her kid in some place like Yugoslavia or something. LOL It was heroic and fictional but made working for the UN attractive to those that want to give up their lives for the UN i.e. The One World Government LOL I liked him better in the movie where he played a warrior round table type warrior fighting some castle establishment. I painted with pastels a picture of him because I liked the movie and him in the movie. How weird. Anyway the outspoken constitutionalist Christian rock musician and hunter from Waco never seemed to be the same after attending. I have no idea what happened I figure since the audience at the award ceremony for Obama (the second Presidential Union address) I thought he might have been a victim of some of those hanging plants of South America. The whole affair was a bunch of BS including the awards and the honors. The whole audience seemed to be zombified and without any will of their own. He was not going take a chance again on being called a liar as did happen in the beginning of Obamas Presidential career by some congressman named Joe something. It was some sort of an Obama mock like the Presidential union address with the survivors we watched on the Trump show which I felt was another mock of some kind though I wasn’t sure he understood it was (maybe) devised by some part of the federal government. The hidden part of the federal government possibly whatever it might be.

Now every time I see the guy in the picture above on the news or on the internet he doesn’t seem the same as I remember him except physically. He was kinda smart about some things and a good guy IMO. I’m sure we wouldn’t agree on everything but he had wise ideas and was an intellectual in how he expressed himself.

When I watched Gutfield show recently a retape of his show they edited out a small part of the show which was the first a hint about hospice was mentioned but without saying hospice. So I kind of have an idea there are a lot controlling/comptrolling going on via the press behind the scenes. Whoever is doing it isn’t gonna let anything we need to know or should be told be consumed by the public.

Rep. Joe Wilson was his name. Remember that! HE WAS RIGHT.

Rep. Joe Wilson Calls Obama A Liar During Address


He might not have had a choice because of his wife whom I’m sure he loves. His father was a preacher as well, I recall. Why would the Secret Service have done this to a preacher and his wife?  What does one have to do with the other. I was never a fan of his brand of Christianity knowing his kind of Christianity for the rich but not really for them, but for him but he was and is very popular.

In the sermon he kept bringing up Peter as his center character but not in the usual way and obviously works for Peter maybe not by choice. Peter represents the church of Rome as far as Rome is concerned. They wouldn’t really have a religion otherwise with only a few hail Marys. There are a few Peters in the bible, I think as there are a few Pauls and few Jesuses and Marys which adds to the Great Confusion and part of the Great Deception. Olteens’ wife is very beautiful and probably he is hostage to her or vice versa or they are hostages to the RCC and OBAMA imo:” and definitely hostage to

“The new world order/religion

which isn’t.”

You don’t get pulled off a plane by the Secret Service for no reason. Before it happened I knew he wasn’t on the level on some things because it was obvious and he is also a televangelist but had charisma regarding wealth and religion and used it. He was raised in this manner so it wasn’t his idea to begin with but certainly he did bring it to a level I have never seen before and some of it isn’t bad, but some is. 

When I was at Hobby Lobby a year or so ago he had a book he had published having to do with I AM That I AM after I had done quite a bit of research and publishing on line via my blogs and I thought what is the saying?: Copying is the highest form of flattery but this was after I had done some work in the concept of God and Moses etc. I wasn’t the first either however I’m not talented in delivery, nor successful, and barely noticed because of my station in life, being female and not a preacher by any means, not near as pretty either but I was glad he had noticed somehow, somewhere or from someone because he could possibly be helpful to others and his own congregation and had the money to back it up being able to be shown in a place as trafficked as Hobby Lobby and probably other places as well. At first I was taken back but then I tried to take the high road on the compliment. I did not buy the book nor read it and because we all have ways of looking at the same thing differently such as:

When I first got to the hospital after a short ride via ambulance and in a private room for a while in ER was moved to another room in the ER that was not as private but with 5 or so other people/patients with curtains between so you can hear conversations if you listened. It isn’t the purpose of the rooms but I noticed a man across the way from me with a long grayish white beard to his belly and he was looking at me so I hid myself moving my head over to the right using the curtain in front and in between from my line of sight. He was glaring at me.

He reminded me of the guy I had met at Parkland a long time ago, though a little nicer looking whose girlfriend attacked me with her huge cane that I had to deal with after surgery at a six week visit years ago. The woman in charge of the patients appointments with doctors at that time was sitting at the desk and she had to call the police to intervene who came and surrounded him not her but him and escorted him out after a few minutes of me hiding out in the hallway to get away from her and her accusations blaming me for her male friends intolerance and loud rude outbursts for having to wait which the rest of us had done for 6 hours because of some hospital problems. Not enough doctors showed up or something. Everyone in the room were very cool about it, most of them very sick with something and with their friends/family who came to help them at the time. Six hours is a long time to wait when you are in pain but sometimes is necessary depending on what is occurring and it wasn’t the ER, but a 6-week follow up visit after surgery. The guy wore clothes like he was a biker and his female friend looked like a druggy though I don’t know what the deal was with them because I didn’t ask and they acted like they lived under a bridge. I was afraid of bodily harm when she blamed me for his outbursts with her huge cane (It was 6 foot tall and about 2-3 inches thick) and shaking it at my body and because I had never met them in my life before. My husband at the time was rubbing my back under my shirt. I had a 14-inch incision 3 inch deep wound to the organs of my torso which caused me a great deal of pain and the pain hurt mostly in my back instead of where it originated from which was in the front from the incision from the bottom of my chest to near my Caesarian scars. I was kind of long waisted then when I was thinner. I was talking to two black men who were sitting in front of me about God. One was an older man who said out loud he didn’t believe and the other was a son of a preacher who was disenchanted. I did not start the conversation I just was interested in what they were talking about being in front of me and facing me and I talked to them. They were together and had some kind of relationship but I didn’t get into their relationship except I could tell the older man was influenced quite a bit by the younger man. I said something about prophecy and we got into a conversation and I think it bugged the biker guy and his female friend across the room and to my side and I can’t say why for sure but I think it had to do with their race and me talking about God.

I guess it wasn’t allowed. LOL.

There was also a man sitting next to me who had gall bladder problems and was groaning and in pain and he told me a little about how he was handling it. There were about 60 people in the room sitting in foldable chairs some of them. After she blamed me for his outbursts brandishing her weapon “the cane” which she needed to get around I think (probably had been a victim of an accident) I could tell it took some doing to shake it and to threaten me with it because she was shaken. I was the one that got up to talk to the woman in charge of the room of people at the desk in front because my husband at the time seemed to be in shock. I had to defend myself though six weeks healed I still had openings and infection spots/pockets of puss that were still a problem. Natural reaction to preserve oneself when you have huge wound you want to protect from further harm and not so natural if you aren’t hurt though usually husbands do stand up for their wives, this one didn’t. It was the kind of wound that had to self heal without stitches and be dressed with gauze drenched in water a few times a day for a while in order to heal and allow the skin/fat to move without scabbing in order to close the incision which for me took about 6 weeks or so, maybe less. It was a heavy duty wound. After our confrontation when she blamed me and said it was all my fault I said “I don’t even know you” in front of everyone and because it was embarrassing in front of everyone having a confrontation with some psychos. I went to the woman in charge to tell her to please assist then I went out to the hallway to get away from the couple and the roomful of people while my husband stayed in the room with the people in his seat for some reason. Not the bravest of people. lol but it was disconcerting however I sometimes wonder if he did or didn’t have something to do with the confrontation. He had his reasons in his minds’ eye if he did have anything to do with the confrontation, but not reasonably. It was approximately a few minutes before the police arrived and surrounded him, not her, and escorted him through the room to the hallway where I was and out the door of the hallway of that department in the hospital which was near where President Kennedy was taken. They surrounded him, but let him speak and he said something kind of snide like, “I love watching your back.” I did not respond but was totally turned off by his charm which was disgusting to say the least and I had already been through a bunch of shitty shit with some disgusting people and did not need this kind shit going on but you can’t control what others do or say sometimes especially if they are possessed which I think they were. Finally got to see a doctor soon after and he said the last place where the puss was in my body was near my liver or on my liver which was a hint as to where the problem may have originated or they would not have told me. We never did find out what exploded in me except some thing did explode inside my body and caused septic poisoning throughout my body during the operation and before which made me bloat as if I were 9 moths pregnant: before I went to the ER in the first place I went to pick up my kids from school…walked to the school as usual depending on the weather a few blocks away and the cross guard who I was familiar with said “I didn’t know you are were expecting”, something like that and I said I wasn’t but that I was ill. It was kind of funny. (later got to the doctor and he gave me antibiotics and sent me to Parkland and then he misdiagnosed me and took me off the antibiotics and had to go back a day later after I developed a high fever and was vomiting. The bloating was painful as well and the new doctors reaccessed my condition and started over with their diagnosis in Emergency mode.)  So when I came back to the ER they started over again basically and said they would start over again with their diagnosis because they knew the first diagnosis was way off and caused problems for me. I looked like I was 9 months pregnant because of the gas from the poison in side me which grew in leaps and bounds from the septic poisoning of whatever was causing it. So I almost died and was out of it for quite a few days. A few weeks. I was told I was the sickest person in the ICU for that time period and I was on heavy duty drugs. My skin, my hair, my brains, my eyes, all my organs and my blood was poisoned via the blood stream when I was opened up during and emergency operation. They had to work quickly to vacuum every organ and replace it to its’ original position including my intestines which is not easy to do and I’m sure it stunk to high heaven. I was poisoned in the brain at the time as well which caused me to act like I was crazy or possessed most of the time though I had moments of lucidity and alertness especially for family visiting. Most of the time I was in a incoherent state of mind and to some I would have acted possessed because I was poisoned and on drugs heavy duty drugs and pain medication and severely injured. I noticed some things when I was lucid from my parents and my family which were important to me while recuperating in the ICU. On one day I was kind of hard on a nurse who was trying to care for me and heard another male nurse say she can’t help what she is saying because she is sick. I guess I hurt her feelings and must have said something bad. i sort of remember that I was kind of acting like she was my sister blaming her in a way but not sure exactly my train of thought but remember it upset her and the other nurse trying to help her do what she needed to do and consoling her because she didn’t want to care for me after I think I insulted her. But she did do her job. I think one of the things I said that I do remember saying was, “You don’t have to be so mean about it.” And I was also given information by my husband at the time in reference to those visits with family and was able to kind of put it together with my memory and impressions. But I heard some stuff on my own, some special words from family members when he wasn’t there that TRULY helped  me!!! And I knew what those words meant as well though one it took me a while to understand I struggled to respond when it was said and I couldn’t because I knew he had been lied to.  I was still in the trust mode of my husband’s intent. My husband seemed to enjoy it a little too much. A little over the top.

We were never able to figure out what happened inside except probably a cyst exploded and caused a great deal of trouble. I think I had been slowly poisoned for quite a while I just didn’t know it till it exploded.

When I was at the ER recently a few days ago for an attack health wise which I believe is related to the first injury years ago the man I saw was similar to the person I had seen many years ago but a little more groomed without his woman with the huge cane. He was staring/glaring angrily at me from across the room not just looking. Then I noticed another man in his place after he left and after I hid and he looked like Barack Obama. I thought to myself “what the hell is Barack Obama doing in the ER?” LOL. Salt and pepper hair groomed short to his head slight in body build as far as I could tell and in his face. Dark eyes piercing at me. Neither good nor bad, but piercing. Kind of like someone was in someone else looking through their eyes which I think has something to do with the mustard seed Borg stuff which I think is part of the purpose of the mustard seed teaching and I saw it in Olsteen’s eyes when teaching in his sermon, here and there, as if he has a will, but doesn’t. Like he is aware but is controlled. My ex who was with me talked about the people he saw and what he saw was a man after the bearded man was moved was a guy with tattoos all over his face and body which covered his body and face and was why his skin was darkened. I imagined the illustrated man from the book called by the same name from the amount of tattoos the ex explained of his appearance. There was a person who I overheard a little and he overheard who had driven himself to the hospital with a multi- fractured leg and hip and the people in the ER were trying to set his bones. His foot was supposedly huge from whatever accident he was involved in and had multiple fractures and he wouldn’t let them do what they needed to do yet he drove himself to the hospital for help which is very strange and I guess he was afraid. About four people in the ER were almost begging him to help him and he wouldn’t accept the help but I stopped paying attention it was what the ex told me and then I was wheeled upstairs.  So what my ex saw were three men, I saw two men in the bed across from me but not at the same time however I did not see the move of one to another just one became another. I did not see anyone with tattoos which is what my ex saw. My mind wasn’t set on it though so I might have missed something because I was at the ER for me not him. The guy that looked like Obama had no tattoos at all that I could see. None. Pretty weird to say the least once we put our stories together. The reason I didn’t freak out about Barack Obama or a look alike of him was I was in ER mode for myself and there wasn’t much I could do about it and no one else recognized him so I thought hmmmmm. I just didn’t worry about it. I have seen lot of weird stuff these days so it has become kind of a norm for me and since my first operation but more frequently lately i.e. this last 5 or so months. But it is weird for a guy to come in to the ER and not want to be helped even though he came to the ER on his own. The ex said the tattoos were like those guys who are gang members in prison type tattoos who are very violent. I didn’t see any tattoos. I called him the illustrated man as a form of reference for my ex when talking about it because in the book this guy is basically a body of tattoos that tell stories which I had read a long time ago as a kid and I never finished. I don’t have anything against tattoos I just didn’t see them. what I saw looked just like Obama laying down on a hospital ER bed. The ex said his foot was huge from the fractures he got somehow. I did not notice that either.

The first time I ever saw a tattoo was when I was a kid at Carlisle Pennsylvania the man who lived next door to us had one on his arm and expressed something with it a chic on his arm or something like it and it was ugly and back then they were kind of ugly usually navy ink colored with a bit of red accents and some green lines, not really artistic but low class stuff and later in life when tattoos became more acceptable and popular the designs got more artistic, feminine and colorful. My neice liked tattoos a bunch and so did her husband who is a Christian minister and a bass player. I think Madonna started it with her fake tattoos looked like lace on her arms and legs and then everyone started doing the same. My niece was a big fan of Madonna. she had some big ones : one was a big ankh symbol surrounded by red ink on her left arm like an arm band and then a bunch of tattoos regarding verses of the bible and other things. One big verse on her back from the New Testament which I never did read the whole thing because it was kind of wordy and she often wore clothes. The first tattoo she got was after her short college experience in New York and she had a chevron tattoo on her lower back in the crack of her ass right above it. Not sure what she was trying to express. I didn’t ask her. Her husband had tattoos all over his body and piercings mostly on his ears and nose. She had witnessed the World trade Center attack (9-11 by 19 terrorists Aprox. 14 years after The Monday Stock Market Crash of 10-19th-87 may have been a reason – Don’t forget people committed suicide in Oct 1929 because of the Stock Market crash. I was thinking the 1987 crash when Gary lost a bunch of money was a Tuesday but I read that it was the 1929 crash. 14 years later:

Historical Events in 1943

Check it out: Hitler declares all out war for one thing and bunch of other stuff.

) from Brooklyn on a rooftop when she had moved to New York and had met a guy who beat her up badly I heard and came home and made the decision to move to Padre and met her future husband a bartender/minister in South Padre after living there a short while. They were in love. His name was LEVI. A nice guy a bit different as were his friends and family and eventually they married and had kids. She studied to be a nurse like his mom. She was very smart girl and I don’t think she wanted to live at home any more for good reason. At a certain point most kids do leave for one reason or another if they can but she wanted out as soon as she could via marriage or any avenue, it seemed. At least I thought so. She was moved to Padre via a family trip to Padre combining it. I was there for that trip and helped her move in as part of the trip. That was the trip my sister couldn’t think of anything for my mom’s birthday coming up and because my mom had everything she needed (in her estimation) kind of premise we had to get her a miniature or toy poodle-mix and while getting her a toy poodle-mix got Kristen a dog as well but instead got her a cocker spaniel puppy. Didn’t last long. I have no idea what happened to her puppy but the next time I saw her she didn’t have it.

Later on Gary said that Levi was blackmailing him for money or contributions and I thought it was a weird thing to say.

How could he blackmail him and why?

He was kind of disgusted by it in a way and in a way he didn’t seem to care. I think Gary did not like having to support them sometimes but it was his daughter and she deserved it. I think it was more like compensation. Funny thing, is when the shit hit the fan when Gary wanted to isolate me and before the meeting with my brother my little sister told me on the phone that my dad thought I was blackmailing her. LOL. I highly doubt he said that but that is what she told me and I could never figure out why she just didn’t say

‘No, she isn’t blackmailing me” to my dad.

wouldn’t she know if I was?

DUH

So some of the stuff relayed to me by her via the phone calls

just didn’t make much sense?

My dad imo did not think in that way.- the dad that I KNEW!

 I doubt he would ever say it because it is so outlandish and my dad would realize it was outlandish before he would say it, hence he would never have said it.

He was not stupid and neither am I.

A little while ago I was and still am having trouble linking you tubes but will getting together soon on that dilemma with my bird in the hand’s help but as I was organizing my desktop because my computer all of a sudden started acting up so I thought maybe I needed to put some pics/snapshots into folders and as I was putting one away in particular the one of Robert Tilton a format type message flashed on my computer and it had the name GARY on it. LOL  I was in the process of writing about his daughter: the Jealous Jacuzzi kid. I can tell people are afraid of me and what I’m doing, but Tough Love. Get over it. It is gonna continue till I’m finished a there is a bunch more to add and edit i.e. try to make understandable. I  know I have helped by acting as a witness and also hurt some but I doubt if I hadn’t written the things I wrote those I helped would not have had a chance in hell and those I hurt eventually will come around and those that are fucking with everyone won’t be around any more

so in the long run bear with me

because

that is the purpose.

 

God did not tell me to do what I have been doing for quite a long time, but I know He has helped me and others who have helped me and the miracles to me keep me going such as I had my gall bladder removed a few days ago which I think is gonna be a real coup for me and for my families and my true friends.)

Roberta Flack – First Time Ever I Saw Your Face 1972

Years later after my dad died and after my sister threw away a bunch of photos of my parents and their friends which she confessed to me in a phone call and said she found a letter from my brother to my dad saying/insinuating/inferring she was stupid and then acted like it was my dad who said it. (wrote it) I tried to explain to her if my brother wrote it and sent it to my dad (her dad) does not mean daddy thinks you are stupid since he didn’t write the letter nor send it to himself and for some reason she got lost on that logic. I also tried to tell her someone else may have written it and planted it to make you feel bad or hurt your relationship with dad or to make you feel stupid. The only people who had access to the sites, had keys or a combination lock or knew where the storage sites were that stored my parents belongings that she and my sister went through over a long period of time was my older sister and her husband Gary, herself and her new husband and the sites were near her. That’s it. I have no idea if the letter was handwritten, typed or computer written on a Word program or on an email. Anyway her feelings were hurt by my dad even though he didn’t write the letter. That’s a hard thing to understand. SO you can see why I’m having and had some problems understanding some things that were going on then because it is really stupid. I think she was dealing with some kind of mental block or something and hence so was I via her and others. It can be very frustrating to deal with that kind of thing. I don’t really know how to describe it but to call it

“the thing.”

Gary’s daughter and Levi were married in San Antonio at the church my parents attended and it was kind of casual and a fun wedding as well as funny because of Levi’s good friend and my youngest daughter who was taken aback by his appearance when she and my other daughter were bridesmaids/flower girls but he handled it well and we got a good laugh and it was a funny memory.


My older sister met Gary her husband at SMU and in a barn at a fraternity party when she anointed his head with beer pouring it from above in order for him to remember her and he did. They dated and got married when I was about 14 years of age. I remember meeting him for the first time in Virginia when he came for a weekend to meet us. We met him at the airport before an Army picnic. I recall how he looked me over up and down.. I was still a tom boy at the time. I might have been 13. Then some time later we went to his dad’s home in Connecticut for a visit. He served us my first taste of the cheese Brie from a wheel of Brie. I loved the stuff. I had heard how their daughter had a huge bedroom and a closet the size of a bedroom by my eldest sister. They lived in a mansion on Winding Lane in Greenwich. Kind of a swanky area (old money) reminded me of the movie with Ryan O’neil and a famous model with a unique bite which made her famous partially named Ali McGraw and she also became an actress. Their daughter favored Ali McGraw when she was young:

Love Means Never Having to Say You are Sorry. I don’t remember the name of the movie about two college kids in love and one dies. Kind of a silly movie and idea.

Gary’s mom had the same name as my mom. His sister was I think about a year older than I. Very pretty and snobby but nice. She went two a college in Ft Worth and was followed by a guy a criminal or a guy with criminal intent because of her dad’s reputation or position and money and because of her looks and personality and they had to hire some body guards for her in order to go to college and whatever else she did.  We never saw her much. She changed her first name from the name Elizabeth to a different name legally. I think I know why. I thought about doing the same after my operation but my dad’s mom is who I was named after so I didn’t. I would not have either if I had been named after my mom.  It’s a way to assert oneself after being severely degraded.

Seems to be a pattern emerging.

(Familial sexual abuse and off to a some stranger abuse.)

They visited us in Georgia as well later at some Gardens. Before my sister and Gary were married Mr. Kircher flew them around the world on his private Conoco Jet with his family. They didn’t go everywhere but some unusual places like Bali and Hong Kong, I think and other places and islands.  The wedding was a biggie at SMU church on campus with all the sisters as bridesmaids and friends I think there were seven of us and of course groomsmen. The night before the guys got drunk and ended up in jail including my brother and had to be bailed out of jail in order to attend the wedding and they were not happy about it (especially my brother) except for one guy who slept it off under a car and luckily no one moved the car that night or morning. During the trip around the world my sister and the Kircher family shopped for pearls and gems in Hong Kong and the place brought out gems and pearls by the drawer full for their pleasure in a private room to shop. My sister told me she stole a pearl while they weren’t looking or were out of the room. She felt she should have one if they were were gonna have one. Kind of a stupid thing to do in another country (especially if you had seen a movie about people transporting contraband over country lines. Not sure she saw the movie I saw which would make you think twice) but she wasn’t caught as far as I know and she was with the President of Conoco Oil and if she had been caught I doubt she would have had to suffer the consequences. I think it was kind of a tempting thing to do to an army brat to leave her in a room alone with a drawer full of pearls. I think there is something to it but I can’t say what it is because I don’t know. A feeling I have because of the course of her life. When I was younger I didn’t suspect anything but only lately in the last few years as far as that temptation. I bet the Kirchers knew.

My dad bought each girl in our family a small pearl from Hong Kong when he was fighting in the Vietnam War and on an R&R.

Tattoos

When you get my age it isn’t a good idea to tattoo and I had enough problems not to add more to the equation of me. Like the less makeup the better especially after my operation when I tried to look nice going home and the ex said don’t bother, lol because I looked so bad. I was only making myself look worse. I tried. I had lost a ton of weight and was like skin and bones the skin hanging off of my bones after the water weight from the fluids given during my hospital stay dried up so nothing would have really helped me at the time. The whole rigamarole aged me quite a bit. I like what tattoos can do for cosmetic reasons for those that need it or to look younger or for some flaws on one’s face. etc. I think it’s cool as long as it’s safe to do. Burn victims get some help from it and others with problems either born with a discoloration or birthmarks or because of an injury etc. Helping one’s appearance is important these days because people judge a person by their looks at least as a first impression and everyone I have ever known wants to be pretty . It is kind of expected and probably is the most lucrative expectation for businesses. I want to get my eyebrows done and my eyelashes dyed because I lost many eyelashes and hair during my operation and because of the Cat Scans and stress of the operation and family fiasco and about three months later my hair was falling out as if I had been nuked. I stopped combing my hair and put it up in kind of a bun so I wouldn’t have to brush it and to prevent clumps of hair coming out when I combed or brushed my hair and hoping it would help me lose less hair. It did help I even bought a wig but it didn’t really suit me and I didn’t want to have to deal with it. My doctor noticed the hair loss which I mentioned to him around three months or so after the operation he could tell and said it was falling out as he spoke and told me to take Vitamen-D which prevents cancer and use horse shampoo for a while (which is weird but gentle and possibly because of some ingredient) and then some other Vitamens as well. He was trying to assist me in draining puss out of the remaining pockets that did not heal because of the puss. I laid down on his office bed and he would squeeze the areas in question while telling me to flex my muscles which had been cut in two right down the middle and was virtually impossible for me to give him the muscle action/tone he needed to drain the puss as he squeezed though I tried there wasn’t anything to be had in that regard except the expression on my face. I had Cat Scans I didn’t need partially because of a particular nurse who took orders but didn’t necessarily abide by the rules of a Cat Scan such as you need to drink the liquid beforehand so the scan will do what it is supposed to do and I would explain “hey I didn’t get the drink” and it didn’t matter BECAUSE OF HER SCHEDULE and her orders  and I was too weak to fight the system at the time so I would end up with another Cat Scan appointment either a few hours later or a day later when the doctors couldn’t read the Cat Scan. It happened a few times plus I was getting one a day and x-rays as well. I lost my eyelashes for the most part I still have some but not nearly what I had so I like some of these tattoo and makeup advances for people like me as well.

Partially why I am against the unions in schools as explained in this post I am against insurance for health because it is an abusive system mostly to the best doctors and the best nurses and the patients and for the worst.

Like dumbing down our health care as we have our public schools and it could be so great if we let go of controls in our government and let their work and reputation proceed them. If they are good doctors they will get references and more work and if they aren’t they won’t but health insurance prohibits that kind of free market. Prices/cost would go down for everyone and everyone would be pleased with the results if they would let it happen except for the bad doctors and bad nurses but eventually they might find their niche as well and be happy to have cheaper health care in the long run when they are in need of it or their children and their children’s children. Same with hospitals. It’s called supply and demand a basic rule of economics and life in my opinion. Unions are not what they were were meant to be and never will be because of a lack of faith/trust.

THE TRUE KIND OF FAITH which can be interpreted in many way which in my opinion kind of makes it useless to say the word faith. Keep the faith:  meaning keep your wits about you? Don’t give up? Don’t give up what? What faith are you? I’m a catholic or I’m a radical islamist. Do you have the faith? I don’t know? He had faith in the institution.-He had trust in the institution. There are lots of meanings to the word faith and is used in a myriad of ways and to compare it’s size to a plant seed is a bit strange because like many feelings or human traits are not measurable because of emotion and changes from one minute to the next. The mustard seed is a derivative as is the devils breath to a mind controlling drug and some good sea sickness drugs the mustard seed is a derivative of poisonous gas and chemical weapons the kind used in WWl, WWll, and saran gas etc and regular old poisons used in the old days to murder unsuspecting victims.

Poison ring

Through the centuries, the Fisherman’s Ring came to be known for its feudal symbolism. Borrowing from the traditions developed by medieval monarchs, followers showed respect to the reigning Pope, who was considered “the emperor of the world”, by kneeling at his feet and kissing the Fisherman’s Ring.

Egyptian Scarab Poison Ring

At one time (actually many times) employers/business owners did not take care of employees safety and overworked them and that is how unions got started in business and some business owners were not acting responsibly and ended up being a curse for everyone when unions got involved instead of fixing the problem to begin with they made more problems and bigger ones because power corrupts and union leaders were  eventually corrupted basically switching from one corruption to another. We had less competition then which was part of the problem. If you fix something in the wrong way it becomes a bigger problem. It’s kind of like the mob and the mob ain’t good and will create problems to fix them in the wrong way to gain control and make more problems. Keeps them afloat. Very likely some of those accidents in businesses were purposeful accidents and were attacks instead like what happened in Bhopal India with Mother Teresa involved which is explained by the exposes of Christopher Hitchens about Mother Teresa and the RCC:

How she got her fame partially but it was evil beyond imagination.

Check it out and  do it more than once. It really is interesting and he has many more exposes on the subject and it affects you, your children and your children’s’ children, etc.  It cannot be allowed to mature or be acceptable and will lead to the ignorance of people, desensitizing of people, and the breakup of the family institution. It will lead to a lower life expectancy year by year and medical malfeasance for various reasons usually involving money or assets and the control of people via religious/political cults, Its a bad direction to go.

“There is a way that seemeth right unto men, but leads to death”

The reason I think women isn’t mentioned in the bible verse above is because of the Patrimonial religions who support Mother Teresa’s solution-especially the RCC. Yea often people use men as meaning men and women however in reality it isn’t so (such as the US Constitution and Bill of Rights) but even though the religion/church is referred to as a woman in the bible like ships are named, women aren’t in control of the institutions or the ships (are they?) and obviously that means there is a double standard as if women are only bodies to have kids with and pleasure with while stunning in their youth women are just as complicated as a man even more so often which may be the underlying excuse: FEAR OF WOMEN, FEAR OF FEMALE SUCCESS If you think about it QUEEN ELIZABETH was FEARED and the RCC tried to annihilate her and didn’t and couldn’t. Hillary is no Queen Elizabeth, more like a Mary Queen of Scots. Queen Elizabeth was the most controversial person/woman in the history of mankind which led to some major breakthroughs for mankind by her standards and her beliefs: other people were able and allowed to accomplish amazing advances for the world in many fields of science, inventions, and in human progress like a good mother would do for her kids regardless of their sexual orientation or their sex, their color/race, their beauty or lack of beauty, talents or lack of, friends or lack of, etc and so would a good dad. “Rise and shine” kind of mom and dad because of their love. While she was not an astronomer she advanced the truth that the world was not flat which put/kept the RCC into the Dark ages where it belonged which is why there is a struggle between the two: She had vision. Eyes to see spiritually and she gave up some things to achieve for mankind (man and woman kind) due to her experience. In the animal kingdom are some good examples in some species and some are on the precipice as far as extinction because of the proclivity of the male to discard the female after impregnating, because of something prettier, younger, wealthier, etc. Not all males but a lot of them who were raised in ignorance usually are because of cults. A cult is not necessarily small. Cults come in a variety of sizes and shapes. Usually a sign of a cult is the degradation of the female in various ways as if the female is only body or a means and women are as illustrious and intelligent as a man in different ways sometimes but who is to say which is better.

Muscles are not brains nor synaptic impulses, etc. and love isn’t either. Courage is not only a male trait and usually love is the underlying cause of courage, and vice versa. Intuition, experience (good and bad), and common sense help develop both and work together. Without experience i.e. learning you might as well become a eternal pawn or a blade of grass to bemoan to be blow’in into the wind. It takes experience to differentiate between good and evil and to grow up instead of sideways which is the mustard seed’s purpose to prohibit and promote ignorance and beSIDES it isn’t the smallest of seed even in the plant world/flora. That ought to tell you something. The ORCHID seed is smaller. and of course some males act like plants but the sperm is even smaller. Sperm is the male reproductive cell and is derived from the Greek word (σπέρμα) sperma (meaning “seed”).

Hells Angel (Mother Teresa) – Christopher Hitchens

and there are a bunch more of his exposes on

the practice.

By the way the bible also talks about witchcraft and uses wording having to do with

the practice.

Pope Francis trying to act like he is Jesus with an audience or he wouldn’t do it.

This kind of mockery isn’t gonna help mankind. Praying is not limited to lying on a floor on a rug on top of marble and inlaid wood as if it is a physical activity when it is spiritual and can be done standing upright and in private or out in the wild by using your mind. He can’t even read a bible with out two people holding it and one to turn the page. Check out the swiss guard on the left. You don’t need to wear a frock to do it, or need a frock adjuster or a braid adjuster. I think this may have been the position Gary was in near the hide-a-bed by me years ago and how he got into the room from his room was on his elbows without being seen.

Ever hear of memorization?

It’s REAL IMPORTANT TO GET A GRIP

ON Christopher Hitchen’s CONTRIBUTION TO MANKIND.

Not all accidents are accidental.

Some accidents are actually sabotage. Like what happened in a town in Texas during the Obama Administration a small town and an apartment complex were burned up because of some factory via sabotage for the GREATER GOOD of someone’s ideals which happen to be evil. Remember that accident? There have been a few during the Obama Administration that were not accidents whether he was the instigator or not they were not accidental accidents. Sabotage by someone. Fukushima is another example. Possibly Chernobyl. etc one having to do with religious prophecy fulfillment called self fulfilling prophecy and to incriminate in the wrong direction, etc The RCC and it’s cronies do it a lot such as the Jesuits and other secret societies within the church IN ORDER to be needed.

I heard on the news about the English attack of a mosque recently and I guess Islamic people don’t abide tattoos. I have no idea if they do or not but I heard they don’t. I know in the OT it’s forbidden in the book of the laws of Moses or something but I have no idea of it’s worth since it’s not really in the Ten Commandments and was more of a social standard they came up with as they went along making a bunch of laws that I don’t think were as important as the Ten Commandments because the Ten Commandments were created by God (imo) and the others by mankind for mankind kind of like our congress which are impossible to live by at a certain point when they become cumbersome to the nth degree outlawing everything known to mankind because of one thing or another that comes along. It got to the point Moses had to get others to deal with the problems of the people that came up as they were traveling about etc after their freedom from slavery and it grew and grew and grew into a part of the bible that was hard to read. It got out of hand and seemed almost like testing by the people and others. Same thing happenned to Soloman and his people in the OT.  A woman who lost her baby in childbirth and trying to steal another woman’s baby and his idea for handling it and then everyone probably used it as an example of how to handle women fighting over babies. Not everything is the same situation or mental state. Some people do it because they are insane and others because they want money or for kidnappng sake or to get back at someone. There are so many variations of the same crap and laws don’t often cover the reasons for the crimes and definitely not the intent.

BOB

Susan Maughan – Bobby’s Girl

I used to date a hemophiliac so I know it’s important to be careful about blood products and blood art as well. He died of AIDS soon after his brother died who was also hemophiliac at a pretty young age during the end of the AIDs/HIV epidemic as well. We were pretty close and friends though we married different people. He was best friends with my brother for many years which was how we met at my brother’s wedding and we dated after we met when I was a young “lady”. We were closer then just dating too. He was quite a guy in many ways and we knew each other for many years after we went our own way remaining friends partially because of my brother and because he was a friend of the family, too. It was a shock that he died that way and his brother before him. We got together with  him during a visit of my brother to town from another state and he wanted to see him and so we set up a poker kind of night and played poker with him which we used to do quite a bit and other stuff as well and with his wife this time at my older sister’s home where my brother stayed and it was an interesting visit. His wife hardly said a word ( I don’t remember her saying anything as a matter of fact and I was interested in getting to converse or know her slightly because of our friendship but wanted to be respectful as well.) and my husband wasn’t there but on a gig so I tried to keep it simple and not get cozy or anything talking to him about anything except his investigation about the HIV which he offered and told us some things which he brought up that he had investigated as far as the poisoning of the blood supply at the time when we were sharing something outdoors with a few family members who were into the night sky etc out on the porch for a break from the poker game. He was our friend and at the time he was alive it wasn’t as important until he died did I realize how important it was. He didn’t seem sick when we saw him but we knew he was infected. I remembered quite a bit because it isn’t something you forget too easily and especially what we had been through years before being close and our friendship. I used to go with him on dates and we would end up at the blood bank for him to get what he needed for his physical problems which usually affected his legs and his joints. He didn’t whine about it because he was used to it. It was very much a part of his life to do what he had to do. While we were outside he brought up the woman who was in charge of blood supply at the time, a politicians wife and she also was governor of Florida at some point in their lives and ours, and I think her husband had run for President as well. Bob Dole was his name. Her name was Elizabeth Dole, Bob Dole’s wife. I saw a picture of them with the Connallys the Governor of Texas at the time of the assassination when I was investigating the JFK assassination and transcribing the reports and he had what looked like a black lamp shade on his head in the photo which was taken sometime after the assassination. There was something strange about the photo which is why I kind of remember it but can’t remember what it was that was strange besides the lamp shade but I think I added it to one of the posts in one of the transcriptions or it is in my library of photos. I’ll have to find it sometime so I can recall what made it interesting. It was meant to be weird for some reason.

Life is in the blood? Hemophiliacs have blood. Aids victims have blood. Bats have blood. In the Bolshevic Revolution the son of the leader at the time was a hemophiliac. The whole family was slaughtered. Humans only carry 8 pints of blood or 1 gallon of blood/900 calories per liter

How Much Blood Would Vampires Really Have to Drink?

ABOUT BLEEDING DISORDERS

He was suspicious of Elizabeth Dole’s actions (I think it is her he spoke sbout) and her affiliations because a lot of people died as a result of the carelessness involved of blood products and the attitude about homosexuality as well. What if it wasn’t homosexuals who were the targets of the aids epidemic?  I think he was trying to figure out what the hell happened to him and probably trying to figure out why it happened to him and his brother kind of like I’m doing now in my life. I had a friend who was gay and probably more friends than I realized. I didn’t go around thinking about it or taking sides on the issue. It wasn’t important to me either way at the time. We were just friends and I liked him. Obviously I had hair dressers etc who were gay and noticed and even noticed some in the military in my past in the military families and in the forces themselves. I noticed even at the church the Episcopalian Church I did not frequent but lived nearby and was a small part of for a short stint in my life when getting to learn about Jesus and taking classes as a kid for confirmation and the few times with the family on some Sundays and my brother and I could stay. I explained that experience in another post so I’ll skip it for now except to say the church was hit by lightning and burned down after getting a new piece of furniture which was a new instrument “the organ” around the time that the movie the Exorcist and a little before became a famous movie and near the same area of Virginia in Alexandria, Virginia.  Maybe I will touch on it now. My brother and I when we went to this church used to get sick. He and I both would grow pale and sickly to our stomachs. So we would get to leave early which we liked of course but the rest of the family thought we were jerks. They had a change in Rectors (reverend) while we were in the area and about the same time as we met Gary my sister’s husband and the replacement rector/ reverend was gay for sure. I never talked to the guy. He never talked to him either. I remember the back of his head for the most part and the way he walked but I haven’t any idea his face because I didn’t pay attention. LOL Too busy looking up hymns and sitting, bending, standing etc over and over again. silly repetitive nonsense and I doubt God was impressed. It wasn’t a very friendly church. I did not learn anything by the sermons and barely anything seeing animations etc at confirmation classes. We also used their soda machine to cool off after playing. We noticed he was gay and didn’t talk about it. It was a fact and neither made a difference to us because we suffered those physical ailments of getting sick at church before as well. We used to play around the church yard behind our house football and built forts in the woods, etc. The stables were nearby where we kept our horse down the road. There were homes in the woods which we never went to – very old decrepit homes across the street from the church in the thick woods. I don’t think the people who lived in those homes came to the church but the ones in our neighborhood. It wasn’t built up and lots of new neighborhoods being built in the area so we played there in the construction sites on the planks and brick sometimes with my sister and sometimes with my brother or both. We liked to explore which is one of the thoughts I received from my brother (I think):

Never stop exploring!

Exploring is something we used to do together partially because that was how we lived our lives and it was fun and during our travels together as a family around Europe and the USA camping trips we took that my dad planned meticulously  for us. Four kids is a bunch to handle on camping and car travels with tours on a shoestring of a budget and so it was good he was that way. Sometimes found ourselves in dangerous spots but managed to live through our explorations. It’s kind of hard to remember everything I need to remember because things change so fast and at the time I wasn’t as aware of politics as I am now which I despise in many ways. And religion does affect politics in a big way and vice versa. I wasn’t even interested in politics because I had no idea how much it affected our lives being a kid. I was into doing other stuff and trying to find my talent or interests in college. and looking for love, having friends, having fun and the repercussions of fun and friends as well, etc. I was a D student as in D for dedicated. I got caught skipping for so many days when we lived in Virginia. My mom was pretty mad about it. I was a schlepp of a student.  I think I was a bit slow but I don’t know. I couldn’t pay attention or didn’t pay attention to the teachers and wasn’t interested in what they taught at the time I had been tomboy and was more into other things. I hated school and having to get up except socially but was a big failure socially as well and we moved so much I hadn’t developed socially in some ways. I went to three different high schools in three different states. The second to last high school I was bussed about a half hour away to a black neighborhood in Columbus for our country. I got pregnant and watched my best friend have an affair with the math teacher/coach for most of the year and I and my brother and his friends we were with who set it up were busted on base for marijuana but not charged but purposefully set up by the military police’s son who was effeminate cause his dad was an asshole and berated him and he probably confessed and he was supposed to be there that night and didn’t show but the military police did show with the rangers of the base in their helicopters and rifles on us.  We were all colonels kids and  because of the change in politics about the quota in the military about who was gonna become general and around the time Colin Powell got his chance. We had no idea people would do what they did to us just to get a head, but they did. It made us look bad but they were extremely competitive and sneaky and imo they made a mistake as far as my dad is concerned. He retired soon after sending us off to Texas for a year of separation from my mom. I think he kind of blamed me for the bust but it wasn’t my idea it was my older brother’s idea with his friends and I tagged along. He sure didn’t raise his hand to take the credit WHO WOULD? Like taking credit for rough housing and breaking a vase or something valuable and it wasn’t important who was to blame because we didn’t do anything the rest of them weren’t doing. It was his friends, not mine, and all were colonels kids. He was four years older. One of the friends was a colonel’s kid and his sister who my brother took a liking to became good friends and then they became good friends via the kids with my older sister and her husband when living in Texas years later around the time of the threshold debacle.  I met him and his wife once with my brother when I was going to college when they took me water falling in the Guadalupe River falls when swimming was still allowed and he and she ended up moving to San Antonio near the time of the Great Falling Away when Gary wanted to carry me over the threshold to the car to get my lighter etc and I had the first molestation meeting a few days later with my sister in Dallas after wards.

Years later he and his wife went bike riding in the mountains or something steep and she fell off her bike with her bike down the mountain and the spoke speared her kidney when she landed and she died. I’m sure it was a secluded place as well. I can see how it might have occurred with a kick. This was after the winning of the Fedex case by my brother and so he went to the funeral and said his friend acted very strange to him for some reason when my brother went to help his friend in mourning. The problem was IMO he befriended Gary and my sister and something to do with winning a lawsuit against Fedex. I’m sure the General and his daughter were involved as well: Mr. Congo. Me Tarzan – you Jane?

Remember “pathetic”?

talking about your idea of friendship or your idea of a friend. Believe you me it’s pertinent to this conversation I’m having and hopefully it is getting through? Partially for not suing when they wanted to sue about food poisoning at a sushi restaurant as weird as it is.

He acted as if he had murdered his wife. His dad was one of the colonels who didn’t make the rank because of the drug bust. His daughter was also attending the bust as well with us and her dad cried because it screwed up his military career and chances to become general but in actuality it was the quota. The bust was an excuse and nobody was charged to emphasize how lucky we were like the IRISH. My dad didn’t even cry. He had been to war for two years before that – a very tough war and very uncomfortable war in Vietnam and my parents and theirs lost friends in that war and I’m sure their men and women they were in charge of so when my sister wrote or someone wrote in the brochure about my mom for her funeral with information about my dad and his motives for going to war the second time (tour of duty) for his career aims because he got a battalion to command it wasn’t to make general or it wasn’t that important to make general as much as the brochure claimed. Yea it was his career but it was his duty as well at the time and he had perspective. It was a compliment and an achievement he was granted or given because of his abilities but was not based on becoming a general. Lots of colonels are much more talented and much more detrimental in the military and to the military than many generals depending on the job they are asked to do and how they handle it and depending on the person and their bosses.  The military is of course very political sometimes and politics tends to be a source of problems for the military because of the obvious reasons especially when at war often the difference between winning and not winning a war or getting into a war or not and being properly armed for their goals. Remember during the Clinton presidency some in some of out military in some country were abandoned. Politics is delinquent oftentimes to the point of the death of soldiers and others. It wasn’t his drive, imo and I felt like the brochure mocked him in that way. He liked retiring and learning to build homes as well. He still got to play golf. He had to learn to match plaids, but my mom helped him.

He loved his family first and foremost.

So he did not cry. 

(Why would a grown man cry about what Brads dad cried about? Perhaps he knew ahead  of time, as well. My best friends dad was the head of the Rangers on the base. What land were we on? Rangers… Who were in the helicopters? Rangers… Who had the rifles? Rangers … It was not the military police. RANGER DANGER:0

Ranger Danger is not to be confused with Chip and Dale: Rescue Rangers, or the actual Danger Rangers, who teach kids about safety.

Gary wasn’t a stranger or a ranger, was he? Is it irrelative? I don’t think so.

And he wasn’t a monk, was he?

When we went to Branson, Missouri years and years later when I had my first child, we were late picking up my parents and my older sister after a show they attended. Anyway the pearl was pissed because we were late by about an hour or so. Hey I used to wait plenty of times while she was in college at SMU scarfing up the money my mom made and that my mom helped to pay for her tuition wise and clothing working very hard in real-estate and was doing great at it when she had to pick me up from school late. I didn’t like it but I didn’t blame my sister, but now I will. In Branson I wasn’t in charge of the vehicle and I didn’t have a watch and I didn’t bring the marijuana, nor buy it. I was tagging along as usual. For some reason in my sister’s eyes it was me who caused her to have to wait. Maybe it was my reaction to her mood that pissed her off. We were kind of hysterical laughing on the way especially when we realized we were an hour late and scrambled trying to come up with a good believable excuse which was entertaining in itself and because we knew she was gonna be pissed and then on top of it getting lost even though it’s not a huge city and she was pissed, however my parents were pretty cool about it. They didn’t need an excuse. I really didn’t want to go to Branson and only did it because of family. When we went to breakfast in the hotel my dad ordered some food and I guess he got up to go to the bathroom or something and came back and the plateful of food was at his place and he sat down and asked: “Did I order this or did I throw this up?” It was funny and we all laughed. You had to have been there I think to understand how we got a kick out of him and his personality.


Lots of politics at the time and at the end of the Vietnam war and because of Watergate and the ramifications of Watergate which have been covered up but it has to do with the cult leaders of the

BGEA and also a shill for the RCC. This is what Watergate was really about.

The Break-in was JUST an EXCUSE

like the bust or we would have been charged, don’t ya think?

On base we had the prisoner of My lai living under house arrest who went nuts killing a bunch of civilians and kids in Viet Nam. Never saw the person I can’t remember his name who was the accused but he wasn’t that far away.

LOOKED FAMILIAR THOUGH in photos.


 

The Vietnam war was coming to an end though I wasn’t aware of it at the time except that my dad was in Vietnam fighting a war I had no idea why except because he was in the military. It was his second year with a year in between with us and at the Pentagon. Before that we were pretty sheltered. Didn’t really have an idea of life outside of being kids and on base and were not around civilians much except in travels and kept to ourselves for the most part. Civilians and posties often fought when we were stationed overseas. I didn’t but the boys did. We used to call them townies…the civilians.

 College

I had not figured it out yet because I had big ideas in some ways and wasn’t very realistic about what was ahead without experience to know. I did know math was out of the question. I was kind of doing a jack of all trades kind of college experience to figure it out which is not a good idea in some ways however it came in handy in other ways later on because through my experience I learned a lot on the surface and led me to some things I might not have had the wherewithal to figure out, but nothing that made sense at the time.

B

OB

Later I had done some research in regards to what had attacked him and his brother. It’s bad enough to have Hemophilism then to be attacked by the AIDs epidemic was much tougher and seemed unfair to me after he died years later. I was busy having kids and with my family experiences, etc. which in itself is a lot to handle especially with some of the things I was handling as best I could though not in other people’s eyes. For me it was enough, too much. Anyway a strange thing happened that evening when we got together at my sisters house having to do with blood which was kind of scary and odd. I explained it in a post written earlier but basically my brother’s arm started to bleed for no reason. We were sitting around the table and noticed my brother’s arm bleeding. It wasn’t a lot of blood but the timing was weird and at the time we thought maybe a bug bit him or something and I was worried about the possibility of my brother getting infected but we did not say it. My heart was beating fast.  I remember and it scared me for my brother. I know I was not sitting next to my brother at the table but I can’t remember who was sitting next to my brother. Later I remembered my ex boyfriend’s wife was a nurse. I had not experienced nurses much except for my first college roommate was studying to be nurse. She set me up on a blind date that was really quite funny. She did it kind of as a joke but I took it well. He was a nice guy but not my type and she knew it but needed a friend to go out with the guy she liked. She talked me into it and it was my second blind date in my life and the first was pretty weird to begin with which is a whole nuther story walking around the Lincoln Memorial a bunch, my first time to ever have hashish as well and was my first date ever and with a guy graduating from high school and I was but a graduating freshman. I did it for a friend who wanted to go out with his friend. So I did her a favor in my first semester at college when I least expected it which is basically my life story.  It was the last blind date I ever had as well. Eventually through experience you learn some things about people. Things were quite wild and I was caught up in the wildness with a lot of other people my age.

This is not an expose on nurses because there are many good ones as well but there are some that aren’t and while it seems I am inferring a relationship of my brothers wound to a nurse who happened to be married to my ex-boyfriend whom I didn’t know at all but it is possible. I know needles can be pretty small and sometimes you don’t feel them. He could have nicked himself without realizing it as he walked out to the porch or scratched himself but the timing was strange and there was a reaction which was big without much discussion but on the faces of everyone there and in my mind as well. Reminded me of the time I was visiting my older sister and my mom was visiting her which is why I came over to see my mom and Gary took his kid a tot to the Jacuzzi for a jealousy lesson which I thought was weird. My sister was very pregnant and the timing seemed weird for a father daughter jealousy talk in a Jacuzzi at night in the dark without some kind of suspicion since I had had experience with his strangeness (waking up to molestation while asleep next to my sister in their apartment) a few times and everyone knew it including my sister and she didn’t bother to check on her tot but I was afraid for her and I saw my mom’s eyes and I could tell she was a bit disturbed as well. Her eyes grew very big. She had big eyes to begin with so when hers got big they got really big. We were not the parents and I waited for my sister to check on her kid but she didn’t that night. She noticed our eyes. I know she did and she resented it but I could not help it and nor could my mom.

It was a natural instinct and possibly a natural moral instinct.

I have no idea if anything happened or not but I was naturally concerned. Why have a father daughter jealousy talk the one night your mother-in-law and sister-in-law are together at the house visiting and why make the announcement about it if he did not want to disturb us knowing what he had done in the past. Kind of weird. My sister had been pregnant a long time. It wasn’t a one night deal. He could have had a talk many nights and days before or after and he was or had been drinking beer this particular night and often men are turned off by pregnancy in the wives. It is not unusual. (there is always the possibility my niece as a tot exhibited some sort of jealousy that day and he was responding that night, but I think it was belligerence and maybe a bit of mental illness or craziness and if it wasn’t why didn’t my sister who noticed say something? later when the kids were older she said there was a rumor about a person from the private girls school who was having trouble because of the dad and my sister told me but she didn’t know who but had heard about it somehow. Could be there were more than one. and then Gary did not want his daughter to get psychological counseling and said to leave her alone to work out her problems to my sister at one time which was weird and then she did go to a Christian counselor. Of course what he said to my family about isolating me years later is incriminating. ) Even though teens tend to be messy my niece didnb’t even leave an inch of space on her rug in her bedroom which IMO meant she wanted to have some kind of warning which I think Newtown was partially about. Paraphrasing:”When we did our art work and used marks alots we filled the whole page and not one bit of white left on the paper.” Remember that? So yea I was concerned about New Town.

After that experience came the photo of me and my other brother-in-law with family around his pool when he got home from work when he gave everyone a hug and no pictures were taken but of only me and him having a cursory hug (in a normal kind of greeting) he in his suit and me in my bathing suit because he came home from work in his suit and I in my bathing suit because I was swimming in their pool with the family though she presented the photo a few years later but the same house with the nasty look (glaring) she gave me as if I had been caught. I knew it was in retaliation and had grown in her mind into whatever it had grown into in her mind. Perhaps we should have talked about it but I had tried in the past to talk about it with her and as calmly as I could only to be treated the way she treated me during our first meeting which was quite weird. No matter what I did it was wrong and no matter how I did it it was wrong in her eyes. Pretty soon you are on pins and needles not knowing how to act in any circumstances. It was not always rough that way but often was. I felt like I should go in slooooo moooootion just to quell any fear of me. Should I use my right hand or my left to open the door. Should I turn the knob? Should I walk, should I skip, should I run. It was nerve wrecking and destructive to me and my personality and destructive to my spirit and to my soul and finally my body and everything else. It was crazy. Hard to carry on relationships in a normal fashion relaxed and like everyone else.

I wasn’t the only one.

I saw their daughter’s reaction when Gary over did his playfulness and his affection. I know he loved his girls but I know he went too far with his girls by their reaction. I know they loved him too. At some point in time he took a video of my ass and my thighs as I was carrying my first child on my hip walking to the front door and outside to checkout his daughters new used van she was very proud of and I had to watch the video more than once and I thought why haven’t they erased it. I should not have to ask. It was not a mistake. He took the video for some kind of strange reason either to upset his wife, me  and possibly his kids to anger them.

Later when everything went totally berserk he suggested to my little sister and family to isolate me as if I was the problem and that should have been a big clue at least that is what my little sister told me on the phone. Who would suggest such a thing? The reasoning was so I would come back to the fold. Who would think that was a normal thing to do and was a normal reason to do it. I can’t think of anyone who would think it was normal. Obviously, my little sister didn’t think so or she would not have told me on the phone and it was sometime after that that we had our meeting with my brother who came to town to try to straighten things up with me and my parents because I suspect he loved them and he loved me and wanted us to not be at odds with each other and for the sake of the family and why I guess Gary was questioning his motives which was obviously a sign he was a brick shy in some ways. It was a stretch to consider what he was considering and hoping the family would condone or go along with. It was insane. Why would he want me back in the fold? To go along with his shit/shenanigans to make him look normal. It was outrageous in so many ways I was amazed not in a good way. Other women liked his attention I noticed, even at the office. I know the Generals daughter enjoyed him and no one suspected her. WHY? Well because she wasn’t a threat for one thing and she did their bidding. But they also lost a few friends along the way and one or two were female and I suspect he pulled some shit on them as well and I suspect my older sister did as well. and there was my little sister who he played footsie with under a table at a restaurant when everyone was out to dinner and she did not tell my sister and her sister. She told me. Why? Why did she tell me and not them. Obviously there was something to it or it would never have come up in conversation. And then that 35,000 dollars she put in her savings account of my mom’s money she was not planning to use until my mom died. WHY? and then there was the death brochure exclaiming about how great my little sister was taking care of my mom as if we didn’t know? Pretty damned good salary. Give me a break. It was a payoff of some kind to keep her mouth shut about the family, the abuse, and the hospice of my mom via the government and her religion and her husband who was a user she met on-line via a dating service who had been married twice before and one wife had died. Never putting his own money into their newly bought home in the country and newly built pool through rock, but managing the money she received via her divorce and other ways while coping with a few cupcakes along the way. While Gary was a brick shy in regards to females I don’t know that he was a murderer of women. He had a screw loose for sure but why is what I want to know. I know he regretted what he did which I could tell when his wife played the movie Atonement. In fact I know he regretted it sooner than that time way later in life. I saw it and he was scared of me in a way. He was afraid of what I might do. I could tell by the way he acted so I know he had a conscience possibly very underdeveloped but he also had some things going on possibly in a spiritual sense causing some of his problems and confusing him as to how to handle it correctly without being a total dick. He had a lot of resentment and expressed it the wrong way and when under the influence of alcohol did some things he probably wouldn’t have done and the resentment became more extreme kind of bullish. I knew when he called and told me I was a fucking liar he regretted it after I told his wife, my sister. I know he regretted it even before I told on him. It hurt but I was telling the truth and he was acting up again. I understood his reaction like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. I like alcohol to some degree but I have done the same under the influence of alcohol things I wish I hadn’t done. I think alcohol serves a purpose as long as it is limited. Relaxing is good for the soul and alcohol can serve that purpose sometimes in the right atmosphere/circumstances with the right people and with the right attitude and the right amount. It takes some experience to know when to stop. Its a great way to mix with people it helps sometimes so as not to be socially a dweeb or a stiff but you don’t want to drive under the influence because you are more apt to make mistakes. Anyone who drinks knows it and anyone who sees others drinks knows it though rarely admit it sort of like the mustard seed. The sun too much of it can be like getting drunk which I found out by laying around a pool and having to get in the car to go somewhere and lost some good judgment because of the extreme heat of the sun and having to do with starting a car and reversing it or going forward etc. I remember having a small fender bender because of the sun. I had had experience being in the sun but this time it affected me weirdly. Obviously anything in moderation is wise. You would not drink before flying a plane or operating on a person or taking care of kids around a pool though most of us do sometimes take liberties we shouldn’t possibly take. You wouldn’t breast feed on alcohol although supposedly wine is okay to some degree. I did wonder if he had poisoned me because of my illness but on reflection I don’t think he was stupid enough to do something so radical as poison me. He wasn’t a violent man except in his belligerence as far as I knew because I had never seen it. I was probably more violent than he was but then I wondered if he wasn’t involved in some rapes that occurred in the neighborhood but then I thought it is possible something caused those rapes and perhaps was using him as a decoy in a demonic way which is possible. I knew that he skied with his family and there was a rash of ski mask rapes nearby and then they moved. He wasn’t a rash person either. He could control himself like at the office in front of people but he did resent females quite a bit and his wife was kind of hard on him deservedly sometimes and sometimes she would yell at him kind of loudly ordering him around but usually he acted like he didn’t give a shit. Made a joke of it. He had a sense of humor about anything  and I don’t think he realized grabbing on my ass down low and hard at the office was wrong. ILLEGAL. TABOO. I know he wanted to ridicule me, to demoralize me, to belittle me because I had potential and was better at some things than he. The whole premise of the job they offered me for a while was a lie. The plan they told me to get me to work for them. Gary would do advertising and would teach me and then he would go out and do what my  sister was doing and I would take over the advertising and the clerical work and he never stopped training me, He wasn’t about to go out and do what my sister did because he didn’t have her talent which was self-evident over a period of time.  It isn’t as if he didn’t help my sister become successful. He had a great part in their success. The house as well that I invested my brothers loan to me for the ex so he could live in it because it was dream house of his. He found it. I didn’t. My sister sold it and from the start it was a bad deal when the whole deal changed when financed. I was being set up way ahead though I didn’t realize it till it was too late. I knew he was very talented at some things and it should have made him less that way. I could tell he was jealous when a man at the office was acting interested in me too much and me him. I could tell when he put the palm of his hand on my kids foreheads and messing their hair affectionately and then came to me and wasn’t affectionate and pushed my forehead kind of hard when things got kid of dicey like he had a right to belittle me because he had a lot of support, pushing his palm into my forehead as if I was a piece of shit. It was degrading. Asking my husband to bring a lawn mower at that specific time as favor getting my husband to comply with their wishes which I asked him not to comply and he did anyway. I knew I was fucked for sure because he was such a weakling. His nose was out of joint and it helped my husband. His daddy his wife and the lies she told for him, his stature, their friends and what they were capable of, the business he was in and what they were capable of against me and for him because he was my sister’s husband and because of his dad in the oil business and she made good money in real-estate, etc. It was the heightht of belligerence and it was psychologically tough for me and it was rough treatment at best and it should not have been like that at all. I was being watched and I knew it because I was being followed and I knew it and because people were doing some strange things like my teacher at real-estate school and I know I was being photographed as well. I had a whole company of people fucking with me trying to make me look bad every chance they could. Even when I went to real-estate school. I couldn’t believe it that people behaved that way to people they didn’t even know. Like a club. He was afraid I would do well in real-estate. It felt good to have his sexual interest beneath him socially, financially, in business because of demasculinization along the way and probably from his wife my older sister and their religion and maybe her friends like Susan. Kind of a vicious circle.Then when I was getting a divorce my sister saying way to loudly so my husband could over hear hoping we would get back to gether as husband and wife hoping to manipulate my husband my ex eventually and playing him as if she was on his side only if he was on hers. She was very good at manipulation. She did the same with my little sister and her husband when she was divorcing. Calling him when she shouldn’t have IMO. His granddaughter had drowned in their pool and calling me to ask what should she tell him while my sister was at my home after much of this had happened. I told her remind him he saved your son in the same circumstances from drowning in their pool. She didn’t even remember. I had to remind her he had saved her only son from drowning and yet he lost his granddaughter at the same age as her son who a lost drowned years before on her birthday. A beautiful little 3 year old granddaughter. I think Cherie my little sisters nemesis was jealous. She also had a daughter and there was a business to be had. A really successful business. She was the chick THE BLOND at my nieces wedding who said to me I had something in my eye when we greeted each other at the wedding rehearsal the same day as the wedding. I looked pretty good that day and she didn’t like it. She was a pretty girl though if I was guy I would never have been interested in her type because she was bitch complaining to my little sister about her husband not paying attention to her as he watched a sports show “football” while she sucked his dick and told her in laws about his behavior. Talk about low class. My parents would have died if their kids did that. My little sister couldn’t believe she was so sleazy and she worked for the church and received a salary from the church and she caused a lot of shit in their family even for her husband obviously complaining about his lack of attention. WHO DOES THAT? Yea she was pretty and had a pretty voice to sing hymns for the church on the side and popular songs but she was gross. She was sitting with my older sister in the pews when we greeted each other at the rehearsal and didn’t greet very nicely. So what. I have a eye winker in my eye. BIG DEAL. How about Hey, nice to see ya relative. I went to a lot of trouble for a while helping my sister prepare for the wedding that didn’t work out because the guy my niece married was a dick as well. I helped my sister pick out her mother of the bride dress and believe me shopping with my sister wasn’t easy but she was my sister and this was before the shit hit the fan at the office but while I was being set up by my sister. Her new husband  got into killing cats on their land, but he could cook. He reminded me of Detective Fuhrman and reminded me of the man whose daughter was killed on a pier in California when out with his daughter without his wife, her mother. Meeting on a pier and it was blamed on a illegal immigrant in a safe zone who happened upon a gun under his bench and upon some opioids in a trash bin nearby. He was apart time actor and had gotten some small roles in Hollywood. Luckily my niece quickly divorced him. He wasn’t good enough and he wasn’t but his dad was well off, his mom was married to a theologian of the Christian church. Both his dad and his dad’s newest wife committed murder suicide eventually. How weird is that? Anyway a tornado came and missed my house: that beam in my eye Cherie was insinuating I had because she was such a instinctive moral laurel christian without a clue a sucker of the mustard seed. A wolf in an angelic appearance. She also had a young daughter about the same age as the granddaughter who died and I know she was definitely competitive. She competed for my little sister’s husbands attention as well. He was the boss of their successful business. The beam hit the window and it was about 8 foot long  but it didn’t come through and my cat was killed not too long afterwards which I mentioned in regards to the tornado when writing another post I wrote about the tornado that occurred the day after Christmas and people were hurt and people did lose their homes nearby and some even lost their lives. I had seen my sweet kitty looking out the window that day which was not his usual behavior and then I saw him when the tornado hit walking by the bathroom where I was huddled praying  unphased walking down the hallway. He was a miracle cat. Before the tornado by a few years I found him after he disappeared for 7 weeks alive in the bus lane at school. Sweetest cat in the world. Reminded me of my mom if  my mom was an animal she would be that sweet and lovable and pretty. I loved that cat obviously and it hurt how he died and the way the ex acted about it telling me when he was sick Go ahead and take him to the vet if he needs it and I said I think he needs it and then he said I HATE YOUR GUTS. He had little white dots in his left lung I was told and should not have made him suffocate. and my daughters shitty friend had a premonition about white dots when she was drunk on a margarita at a concert and high on some opioids and my daughter tried to care for her. The girl that left her friend my daughter at a mall by herself after hours at night about an hour away without juice in her cell phone because she was in a hurry to get somewhere. The girl who said I was a MILF. The girl from Bosnia who was gonna move to Croatia and was gonna be rich whose dad was a mechanic but couldn’t fix her car. Then she caused a scene in front of our house about some clothing parking their car down the road so as not to be seen and calling my ex in Michigan complaining about my daughter while he was at a funeral of his brother up north and to complain about me and my daughter on a very special day my daughter and I had together while he was out of town and he took her side for a while until we explained she was not in the right. He wanted us to cowtow to her and we refused and being together and she was acting like a hyena with her other friend causing a lot of trouble obviously on drugs and not in her right mind and very immature and obviously under someone’s spell determined to fuck with me and my kid and my cat. My daughter played it smart and just stayed away even though she tried to get her to into a fight. Begging for it for some reason. I know I saw evil in her eyes and knew she had troubles. I wasn’t a total ass to her I wanted her to be okay but there comes a time when you say NO MORE SHIT. I tried to be a nice mother to her until she did what she did and it was apparent she was lying her as off and using my kid and so was the ex. I told him I didn’t want her in the home he did it anyway. I was worried about my daughter and at the time my daughter was till her friend until she dropped her off like a sack of potatoes at a mall. My daughter is beautiful girl with talent and a lot going for her because of her heredity, my parents and me and because she chooses to be who she is. Caring and lovable and huggable. Then he made my kids watch my cat suffocating on his phone. NOT NORMAL. They handled it but I would rather he didn’t do it for their sake but he did it for his sake and against me. Later he had his mom hospiced by starvation and was able to buy his daughter a car and a computer with the money his mom left. It took about five days and he kind of knew how long it would take. He wasn’t there but only in spirit. Said she wanted it which I doubt.

I took my cat home for the girls and it was exciting when I found him. He had liver damage because he had not eaten for a long time. But to see him in the flood drain in between the 12 trees at the time ( a grove of trees) maybe eleven and now ten and he was too weak to barely get out. It was amazing and he lived for quite a while gracing our home with his sweetness and a sense of morality. He was a gift from God and a miracle like my mom and my dad and my kids. It was kind of  strange before he disappeared he put his paw in my hand and gave me a look as if he had to do what he did when he disappeared. I’ll never forget it. He was definitely a miracle.

My ex boyfriend

I hadn’t put it together or it didn’t even come to mind just when I thought back on it what it might have been after all the other things that had occurred that didn’t make sense to me. Sometimes it takes time to accumulate a sense of order of things and the meaning. My ex boyfriend was not a vindictive guy so I knew he wouldn’t have injured my brother for some kind of HIV/AIDs hatefulness as you hear some people do having sex with others to infect them on purpose that we have heard about in the news sometimes like the famous actor raised as a Pentacoste ( I think it was the religion he was raised on or something very similar) who was caught in that kind of madness. I can’t remember his name but had a few brothers and a famous dad in the acting business. I didn’t really understand the disease of hemophilism and wanted kids in my future and his mom had two sons who had hemophilism and I had heard later it is from the female that hemophilism is made thinking I would be that way carrying the gene which is not true. It was still a concern for me though not a big one because having kids was not my desire. The bible states something about a person who doesn’t care about what women want/desire and Mel Gibson (Martin Sheen-Mr. Silver (I love silver) Charlie Sheen was the name of the actor who got people sick with the disease after he was sick with it and I think he did it on purpose or was written that way in the news which I just remembered thinking about the opposite of a gibson is a martini. Anyway he had some tweets that were interesting during the Fukushima nuclear accident and so did Obama and it had to do with Billy Graham or Franklin Graham as I recall and I took notice big time because it also had to do with the Neocathechumenal Way, a new catholic dogma on the horizon which caused an increase in suicides of Japanese catholics and the Japanese people affected by the new enlightenment of the Neo Cats and the warning by Pope Benedict XVl of the New World Order/Religion with Teeth having to do with Al Gore as well and then came the tsunami which caused a nuclear accident and poisoned the waters nearby and of course it is hard to contain ocean water. It was a lot to notice but I did because it seemed relevant and I felt it was my duty to notice and report my way as I did. I know Obama visited Billy Graham at his home like many other presidents did) came out with his interpretation in the movie called What Women Want and he thought women wanted him. Now he did not shy away from a movie about Jesus and he did a good job of it from his point of reference being a catholic and i guess he and his dad started a new faith? The prophecy is kind of important but I can’t remember it right now but it was talking about an individual who is against what women want/desire. Someone important/pertinent in the “EndTimes”.

When I was young it was not on my mind to have babies. I did not know what I wanted and was trying to figure it out most of my life like most people. When I was married it seemed like a legitimate desire eventually because I liked kids. My sister’s kids were cute and I loved helping with her kids but it was not a great desire for me until it was probable and possible to do so in the right way. I had not sown my wild oats yet. If I hadn’t had any I would have found a way to be fulfilled by traveling etc and learning: that is how I looked at things for a long time. But I enjoyed the kids in the family. I did not enjoy other people’s kids as much because often they were a nuisance because some people don’t take care of their kids such as when I saw a kid with diareah all over himself that was green and his mom was pissed off and obviously overworked – it was a turn off to want to be a mom and because I was kind of not used to kids poops, LOL. Or when I had to clean the house I was about to live in or rent and the house had a mountain of dirty diapers up to the ceiling which someone tossed into the middle of the living room because of laziness it was turn off to me to want to be a mom or when at Sam’s Club watching a woman (indian nanny) who was not the mother of the child she was taking care of and the kid falling out of the cart without being seat belted and threatening to fall beforehand by standing up a bunch of times in the cart seat and falling on his head on cement and the sound it made and he immediately having  a bump the size of an apple on his forehead and she acting like it wasn’t a big deal- it was a turn off to me to want to be a mom or watching a woman slap the shit out of her kid for being a shit in the grocery line – it was a turn off to me wanting to be a mom or hearing about someone with their kid in 100 degree weather leaving their kid to die in an overheated car -it was a turn off to me to want to be a mom, or of a woman who drowns her kids in a car in a lake so she can have a relationship with a boy – it was a turn off to me wanting to be a mom or a woman who kills her children because of her religious nut husband and his expectations of her – it was a turn off to me to wanting to be a mom and last but not least watching a grown man with the world at his feet pick up his kid by her arm (by a previous marriage) as if the kid was a sack of potatoes – it was a turn off to me wanting to be a mom. There are plenty of examples I could go on and on about it, but I won’t: It is not what women want. Not me anyway. I did not want a kid so much as to see or go through what I witnessed in many forms besides the murders of woman who did get pregnant and husbands who didn’t want the child or the mom but wanted life insurance much more.

 My ex boyfriend, again.

My ex boyfriend had some idiosyncrasies as well but we were good friends through it all, I think. His idiosyncrasies was he was a weirdo. He loved playing jokes on people. When he came to my wedding he wore fake teeth and looked like he was buck toothed. He talked to the people at the reception that way during my reception at my sister’s home. It was funny and kind of his way to act dumb and be funny. That was the kind of guy he was. He made teeth for living and had designed his own for his entertainment and ours. We went to McDonalds or something late at night one night he my brother and I and he would do funny stuff to make people react at the counter and to make us react, not meanly. I can’t remember what he said at that time but it was typical of him. Just the way he was. I think he wanted to be a psychologist, but didn’t know it.  A strange one but funny and fun. Once he got all the kids in our family the four of us and Gary I think as well and we went to a place where there were a bunch strange people who saw auras. I guess they were at a meeting or something. Spiritualists of some kind. It was a form of entertainment for him to get us in this predicament and see how we would react.  He was at my wedding and I went to his through my sister who kind of made me go with her kind of pressure which can be great sometimes being my older sister the older sibling in the family. She was a prodder in many ways, though I wanted to go but wasn’t invited for some reason, though she was which was kind of weird since they were not great friends at all in fact she had him kicked out or made me kick him out of her apartment years before because we were too young to be together and had called my parents and the pressure was on and was a short time before my sister’s husband did what he did to me when they moved back to Dallas. I remember watching both he and my sister’s husband in the bathroom acting weird to each other in a mano y mano kind of way and I didn’t like it. I was defensive for my family and him. I felt funny about it all especially watching their confrontation. Can’t explain it except that I was too young and insensitive at the same time to him. It broke us up because I was too young and he wasn’t invited in the first place. I was there to visit my sister in another town and he found out and came to town at the same time. It was very very weird. He invited himself and I didn’t know how to handle it at the time. Years later I crashed his wedding so to speak but I did it nicely and for the right reasons, imo. It was a pretty wedding with classical guitars playing in an older part of town, very romantic. I met his dad for the first time in the receiving line. His dad and mom were divorced so knew of her more though we didn’t hang out as much as he did in my family because of his friendship with my brother, me and my little sister. But it was my older sister that kind of pushed me to go to the wedding which was really strange in itself. She had hardly anything to do with him and then she did but after the shit with her husband. I was kind of a victim of circumstances I did not understand. She was six years older than me and a big influence at the time but probably was a bad idea. They went to the same college. One day she saw his dog on the tail gate of his truck and talked me into kidnapping his dog for a few hours and we did and gave his dog back of course. Sweet dog.  and his best friend, Bonnie. She was golden retriever. Later Bonnie was poisoned by someone and it wasn’t that distant in time which at the time I didn’t suspect anything at all. A neighbor or something and I think he was suspicous of me. I didn’t do anything but but be insensitive to his loss because I was sick with mononucleosis at the time and I was young and kind of confused. So sick I had a fever one night and thought I was Einstein writing stuff in the air mathematical type equations with my finger and had figured them out no less. I was obviously delirious from fever.

His dad was addicted at one time to laughing gas he told me during our time to know each other and all I knew about that kind of thing was from the movie with Peter Sellers in one of the Pink Panther movies when he and his adversary were having a good time on it and it was an hysterical depiction at the time. His nose melted, etc.

I think the last time I saw him he was visiting a friend above where I used to take my daughter to dance classes during recital period and I was hugely pregnant and with my husband waiting for one class to end and another class to begin during breaks for my elder daughter. My little sister was there for some reason. I think doing a task for my older sister because neither of her kids took class and both were boys from another town visiting. He had dated her as well after we dated for a short time. She asked if they could and I said yea. We were all very close and they were in between boyfriends and girl friends at the time and I saw no problem with it at the time and I was in college in another town. I wasn’t jealous though it was a bit strange. We had an off and on relationship sometimes. He did not seem to be her type but I guess he showed interest and she had gone through some strange stuff. One of her friends a boy she went to the prom with committed suicide, the man she was taught by at a Batptist church who was the youth leader liked my little sister who was one of those youths divorced his wife and they had a kid,  I  think. She was pretty lady. Nice definitely nicer than him. He ended up being an employee of Gary at his business in the deli business as a manager. I was more trained but it didn’t matter because he was a guy and I wasn’t. And he used him against me soon after the first time he overreached his welcome. I was still in shock and didn’t know how to handle it doing my best and because obviously no one else did either or knew how to handle it ever at least not sufficiently to everyone’s satisfaction, and I didn’t handle it for a few years till after I was married when he wanted to carry me to the car to get my lighter because it was wet outside and I was barefoot at a casual party my parents had and then he followed me anyway after I told him No, thank you while his wife (my sister was watching. She had her friend call The Generals daughter to see why I left and I think she called anyway and advised me to talk to either one of them and so I did when they got back to town and he was at work and then she called my parents with a dumb lie. It was stupid stuff.  I left that morning without word because I had not slept all night because I was paranoid he was gonna sneak up on me in the middle of the night and did not get rest on my vacation at my parents home. I cried the day after on the side of my house where I lived after the first molestation years before. But I tried to overlook it and get over it for my sister. It wasn’t the very first time he acted up when he masturbated while I slept on their couch alone in their living room he was pacing back and forth and I was thinking wow. I was covered and hoping he would forget it or go away, and acting like I was asleep, etc. It was embarrassing and I did not want to embarrass them. My sister said “Gary get back in here” to their bedroom a room away. I was so relieved. It was a weird event and I didn’t bring it up thinking maybe he was sleep walking or confused but she knew he had a problem. I was at an age and still sowing my wild oats and didn’t need more wild oats. Eventually she had to know anyway and definitely by the time I told her after she had had her first child because I thought she should know and he said he would go to church specifically to Scofield Church when I did have a meeting with him about it which was an admission but I have no idea how he handled it with her and it did not help with his hidden anger and belligerence to me and to my sister in a way and towards my family that I grew up with and the family I made eventually in a way and usually when drunk or drinking. He had too many supports too many people backing him. I didn’t have anyone really. No one that understood at that time especially after the initial lie told by my sister to my parents in return. I was telling her for her sake so she could handle it and there are a myriad of ways to do it without a bunch of shit. I did it for myself too because I felt I had the right to be at my parents home visiting without worrying whether he would molest me after I fell asleep. I felt I should have a right to be comfortable in my parent’s home. I had already been hurt by it and I was doing it for our sake as a family. I wasn’t trying to hurt him. I was trying to take it for what it was. Not trying to make a scene or cause them trouble. I didn’t want their money. I didn’t want an affair with him or even the hint of it because he was my brother-in-law, a relative, a family member, and my sister’s husband and he was a dad. I wasn’t trying to shame him until it got nasty and mean and then I had no choice in the matter. Self-Preservation. All in all if I had been married to Gary I would have handled it better especially if I loved him or the kids. I did handle it better with my ex when he started acting up. I got on the computer asked the questions “should a divorced dad sleep with his teen daughter?” and read the answers to him in the next room when my daughter was out with friends and he stopped sleeping with her but I had to pay a price (False arrest and overnight JAIL and he paid the bail. He called the police! He knew he did not want to handle his daughter and act like a dad as she was in my room about to cut my leather purse and fringe in a fit of anger. he could have gotten her to stop instead he dials the police. I was s physically at a disadvantage as well.) but it was worth it in that kind of predicament which I explained in another post. Of course I did gain experience through it all so maybe it helped me for my daughter. Over the years I thought about how I would have handled it working with my sister for them/ One, was I took care of their kids and gave them breaks from the kids but there were other things we could have done and we could have been victorious working together on it. I know it. It didn’t have to be so damned serious, serious to the point of people near death over it or dying over it or losing their livelihood or losing their family. It’s called perspective. Put it in it’s proper perspective and deal with it. We are all guilty of lust and we are all guilty of being stupid sometimes. IPSO FACTO. We make mistakes and it is normal People that never have had lust or feel feelings aren’t people especially when drinking, but moral laurel liars.

I remember my brother and I owed my ex boyfriend a debt we couldn’t pay or could but it was outrageous so we played a joke on him and invited him over for a game of poker and my brother and I marked the cards though we could not see the marks when we played but it was fun anyway. It was more of a hindrance than a help. He was a very lucky player and good at it as well. It was a silly inside joke and I’m sure he wondered a bit about it because it was obvious something was going on. We could barely hold our laughter. It wasn’t in a mean-spirit just a funny thing to do. It was funny between friends though he didn’t know. LOL. I’m sure my brother told him eventually. I don’t know I never asked. Other things between us as well.

My brother’s wife didn’t like him after something happened between them. I guess he made a pass at her for some reason after they were married before he was married though not sure about that distinction but supposedly it happened. She kind of made their relationship kind of hard after that and I don’t know what it was he did exactly but became a bone of contention at some point and I think a comparison and it wasn’t even near a comparison to what I had been through with my brother-in-law but I think it had to do with it though I didn’t realize it at first. She kind of broke up their long friendship. A very long friendship. They were college buds and after for many years. Friend of the family and I think she was jealous maybe. Not sure. I think she was playing some kind of part in terms of my brother-in-law for him and for my sister against me and my sister showed little respect to her before that so I could not or have not figured out why she would but it was easier to deal with than my older sister who was quite a force to contend with possibly by her affiliations and her hardening of heart because of what she was dealing with herself which can’t have been easy. She could barely stand her and it was weird. I didn’t like how my sister treated her at the time. VERY WEIRD. Very involved stuff. I wasn’t pre-playing it. I was reacting. I was trying to be a good family member as best I could under the circumstances.

I forget the politician, a republican that ran for President whose wife was in charge of the blood supply somehow was under suspicion by my ex-boyfriend.  I know later online when studying the JFK assassination I had heard that the RCC or some of it’s representatives thought AIDS/HIV was punishment but the problem was was it killed babies and hemophiliacs and others who had nothing to do with homosexuality but I took note of their stance. A Bishop of the RCC made a statement in that regard. Some kind of recompense as if it was deserved. Kind of like what Franklin Graham kind of stuff where he or his sister come out stating in their brief ways some threats or warnings in the news such as “More Christians are gonna die” or how God has taken away his hand of protection of Christians or the USA, etc as if he nor she is God during the Obama Administration and Trumps as well. How do the Grahams know? Did God Say So? Franklin Graham once stated he believes everything in the bible: What about the mustard seed? How about some discernment?  How about the evil kings written about in the bible. Does he believe them? Its a ridiculous notion and a blanket statement to say you believe everything in the bible it’s like saying you believe the pages. How many versions of the bible exist and believe me there are differences and you can’t believe all of the differences. What if someone wrote a note in your bible do you believe the note even if it is a lie just because it is in the bible?

It’s a schmaltzy thing to say and very dumb.

My sister-in-law didn’t like my other brother-in-law the one married to my little sister because he hunted deer. That was her reasoning as was told to me by my brother. He did hang deer heads on his wall and fish corpses but not like if you entered a hunting lodge. There was another reason but I can’t remember it. Philandering possibly. (Though she did not mind Gary!) OTHE LAST TRIP to the beach with the family I bought myself a cute outfit turquoise two piece beach outfit or summer outfit and I could tell I was frowned upon by my sister-in-law for wearing it. At the time I looked good in it and hadn’t gotten frumpy yet but she looked me over funny. She liked to wear dresses which I thought was pretty. The brother-in-law that my older sister tried to insinuate we were getting it on or something going on between us via a photo she took and there wasn’t anything going on between us at all and she was dreaming of him and told my sister she had a dream about kissing him on a bridge while my little sister was below watching. Weird thing to tell her sister but she did and made my little sister feel odd and met little sister expressed it to me. She thought it was weird. I thought it was odd but it was only a dream, too. But under the circumstances of our family problems it was an odd thing to express. During my recuperation I was having dreams of my brother in law’s dick in my face. But my dream was more of a nightmare possibly drug induced because of the pain medication and because I suffered PTSD because of the things that had happened and the operation  and the way people treated me and things I was told and everyone’s reactions to every little thing I did or didn’t do and mine as well. Things got kind of heightened in a way that is hard to explain over different periods of time and as things progressed in an unreasonable way but reasonable in the sense that it should be understandable that it might get that way because of a lack of understanding.

My brother’s wife loved animals to a fault. Sensitive to animals and loved kitties etc but not realizing hunting was a sport and he did eat what he hunted and it was a population control of wild animals which would starve more than likely. Kind of like what we used to do with control fires to prevent bigger fires. Fighting fire with fire to protect lands which is what had to be done in the past when we didn’t have helicopters but we had storms with lightning and people that were a bit loose with fires they set during camping trips and some on purpose to hurt other land owners or to hide crimes. It worked for the most part especially out west where there are places that are hard to reach around the Rocky Mountains, etc. or parts of California and Arizona etc to protect farms, ranches, and housing or small cities that had developed over time. If I could put an animal to a human she would be a kitten kind of person. I painted a picture on porcelain for her for a Christmas present which was one of my favorites a copy but it was good practice of girl sitting on some steps with some wild kittens. Had a lot of cool shadows and stuff that I liked. It was one of my best portraits I had learned to paint. She didn’t hang it for some reason and I saw it one day down stairs in their home in a piece of furniture as if hidden. I don’t know why and I never asked. They were into their kids portraits huge ones. Baseball and I guess she didn’t appreciate my art at the time though I thought I was pretty talented in painting porcelain and was taught by my mom and a guy who was kind of famous for his portraiture as a help my mom thought would be helpful to me. It took weeks to months to paint although I did not count the times I fired it in the kiln. It was a good painting and reminded me of her and it was meant to be a compliment of what she was in my eyes in a way though I don’t think she appreciated it. Not sure why. I guess I could have sent some candles or something less personal instead but we had a family drawing each year to keep the gift giving to minimum so not to go crazy shopping and being ridiculous as our families grew.  I wasn’t made of money just talent and I thought she would like it and I didn’t hear any thing about it that made me think she liked it which was kind of a slap though not noticeable to others, just me. I didn’t do it for her again, didn’t have to. I didn’t get her name again. Lucky for me. Some people don’t like homemade gifts. Of course my mom was in charge of the drawing so maybe she noticed. My mom helped me when my husband complained about Gary  mocking him calling him Fillipone or something like that often. so I told her my husband didn’t like it and my mom I think she talked to them because after I talked to my mom he stopped doing it. They were more successful than I was ever. He was a lawyer, my brother. I think she resented that I lived with his ex wife for a while when going to college, but we were friends still. I kept it and she kept it cool. We didn’t talk about my new future sister-in-law. My ex sister-in-law was very fair about it to me and I to her. I lived with my brother and his girlfriend my new future sister in law for a while as well, while he was going to law school paid by my parents before they were married. Some how I was resented for it. I don’t know. She held resentment quite a bit but unfounded. More paranoia I think and feeling insecure. We accepted her when they married and treated her with respect during the marriage which was successful and while she brought up their kids very well. I thought she was a good mom, in my estimation and a good wife for my brother who loved her and she him and that was good enough for me. She got sick later with some kind of sickness, sleeping sickness, which made her weak for quite a while that a lot of people were made sick from and I think had to do with mononucleosis. I think it hurt her thinking in a way. Probably thinking too much because that is what sickness is like sometimes depending on the sickness. She was good for my brother, as far as I knew and they worked together as well and were successful not just because of him and his talent. She supported him in her talents as far as I could tell. I didn’t go around thinking about it all the time or anything it was just my perception. She had very nice parents both Catholic and interracial marriage Indonesian Dutch. She cooked really good food too. Interesting food and my brother had to watch his weight she cooked so well. I had to around her also because she didn’t really like to play games or hang out as much as cook for everyone. It was her thing and she was nice about it however I wonder now if she didn’t resent it but no one made her cook. It was her way. Her sister and her brothers were very nice as well and their kids. He made his life with them for the most part and less with us because of location and desire to some degree because of the location was nice and pretty. He appreciated the gentleness of her dad a great deal. I think he resented my dad in a way because he was a military man in comparison. Just a hint but he loved him also. He respected my dad, too. Normal father son stuff.  I know he loved him especially the time when we had our little family meeting I saw it in his eyes and tone and his intent. I know what I saw was real and I loved what he was trying to do for me and my parents during the worst of times and for the family to keep us safe in his mind’s eye and for our well being to carry with us. He also moved far away because of my big sister, I know this to be true when he was a kid she cut his eyelashes because he had long ones and she was jealous and spoke for him when he was three years old . They didn’t see eye to eye on many things and he did not like being manipulated by her, but he enjoyed her as well. They were only two years apart. He also enjoyed Gary and of course the kids. She often would try to get everyone to go in on her idea of a gift for my mom for Christmas or birthday or someone and he didn’t like it. Probably because when she was picking out a diamond ring for my mom she was thinking of herself: what she was gonna get when the time came. a maneuverer. situating herself in a way. That is two M’s. of a sociopath. IT IS A CHOICE.

Something happened after that meeting. I don’t know what happened but something changed in my brother around the time my dad died towards me. Something weird happened. I do know my brother told me at the meeting we had that my brother-in-law was asking him weird questions which he knew the answers to since he was the perpetrator or the predator as my brother kind of explained to me in his lawyerly way at the first meeting we had with my little sister to try to handle the situation as best we could. He called it self protection /self defense/self preservaton a normal reaction to actions of others that might hinder one’s life or reputation, etc, and I had the same in me as well which was not as understood by him and others, I don’t think. My brother did not tell my brother-in-law the answers to the questions he knew because my brother knew he knew why. He was just trying to make things work for everyone in the family. He wasn’t trying to get too involved just enough to make it work for everyone. Gary knew his problem we knew he knew he had a problem. It had gotten out of hand because I revolted. I had a right to revolt but it didn’t help me nor anyone. It hurt me and everyone which was not my intent but sometimes you have stick up for yourself against all odds. My brother didn’t really have the information he needed to understand my dilemma and what I was having to overcome and deal with which in my estimation was ridiculous on their part. He did not realize my sister was still making her digs so maybe he forgot to tell her the deal. I did not go around trying to set people up or entrap them. I was merely reacting as best I could. I was not a perfect human being either. I did things I wondered why did I react that way or why couldn’t have not done this or that, etc. You kind of start self examining sometimes too much but because of the reaction or actions of others. I didn’t have a camera to catch Gary and it would not have worked on him anyway because he wouldn’t have displayed his idiosyncracies then only when it was unexpected and it is not like I wanted him to display what he did sometimes. It was not worth the trouble to get a camera to to deal with it yet it would have proved me as a witness though I could never anticipate his actions. It was not the point anyway but to stop it and just be family. I just had to live around them part time as family at gatherings and because I was my sisters sister and we were friends. He wasn’t an Ogre or a Monster but sometimes an ogre and/or a monster was inside him depending on what was happening in their marriage or socially or in family stuff and I had some problems as well, we all did in retrospect in a kind of a difficult situation which did not need to be as difficult but since the abuse continued when you least expected it, it was a tough problem for everyone involved, even Gary.  It wasn’t as if he was in charge of his own mind all the time and in charge of his body as well. He was heavily influenced by alcohol for one thing and reactions and the actions of others. His wife influenced his personality as did his kids and friends and family and THE CHURCH weighted in via those people involved and their attitudes. She had to insist I watch at their home a movie called Atonement and about a woman and a man and her sister accuses hum of rape falsely and ruins their marriage for a long time and that is not how the story goes and which was a lie that she thought the way she did but he went to bed because he did not want to watch it and when I realized what she was doing it was too late. I had no idea what the premise of the movie was until I had seen it. then on a trip tried to get us to watch it again with the family after she had bought the movie. It was like she was pouring salt on a slug. It was similar to when I told her the first time and had my first meeting with her she reacted by calling my parents to tell them I was attracted to Gary and told me that was how she going to handle it which was INSANE. I was dealing with a nutty reaction which was hard to take but I loved her because she was my sister and because of her as well. Not just because of our relationship but because of her. I had grown to love her over the years growing up with her. It’s hard to separate those feelings you have when you love someone. I did the same with Gary over time in a way that was reasonable in my life since I had to deal with him and her and my family. They were my family. It had come to a point of insanity and great revenge on his part and hers and I had had enough of the shit spewed my way for their reputations sake. Her friends helped in a way that was very destructive to everyone and to themselves as well. They knew Gary had a problem. I know they knew. I had problems as a result of his problems and my own. They had problems as well of their own and their own limitations in their own lives and experiences in their own lives but ganged up on me because I didn’t meld very well with them. I wasn’t in the 500 club. I wasn’t a debutante. I wasn’t a rich kid. I wasn’t the belle of the ball socially. I didn’t go to the elite schools. I went to state colleges, Jr. college and public school. My sister and he were successful because of his dad in the oil business. She studied journalism and some kind of history and had little knowledge. Didn’t do a thing with her studies but write super long christmas letters. I think he studied business. It took precedence for them to blame me and not them or themselves. It was a ridiculous situation but it wasn’t without a great deal of crap and abuse and I returned it sometimes as well in my reactions. at a certain point they receive $250,000.00 a year from his dad and she did the spending. It was an inheritance type deal and they were expecting a few million later when his dad and mom died. Pretty soon or in retrospect I think it was a babysitting money, baby sitting me. And then he lost the money on the market a lot of money and my aunts money who was married to my uncle which Gary had romanced in regards to some kind of tactic he used having to do with options trading or something in the field. Something Gary had come up with on his own though I had no idea of it’s worth. He lost everything and they had to move down house wise out of her dream home to a pretty nice 4 bedroom house with a pool and a Jacuzzi in a kind of good part of town. But Gary forgot to tell my uncle he lost the money invested as his broker which is against the law but it was between family members and it was kind of shady to begin with because I don’t think my uncle’s wife was in on the deal and it was her land and her money. She had kids who might have appreciated their money. I met her daughter at the store a grocery store and she kind of acted like I was involved and really didn’t know anything except that Gary was freaking out and had lost his and their money. She was resentful of the whole family and most everyone was not involved. My uncle called me one day and asked if Gary had lost their money and I answered truthfully as best I could very briefly because I was uncomfortable. It had been about three months since the loss and Gary was trying to build it back up so as not to get in trouble but he should have told my uncle when he lost it because that is how it is supposed to happen. He was in-between companies at some point and I think one of the companies was at the Towers which was a victim of 9-11. A majority of the company. I think it is related. His daughter watched in Brooklyn on a  rooftop the destruction. My mom watched on a roof top the Japanese planes attack Pearl Harbor or enter the area. My uncle offered me a job and I declined. It wasn’t worth a shit of a job so it wasn’t hard to decline. I did not tell my sister my uncle called which was a mistake. At the time I felt like I had a right to tell but it was not my idea to tell because of the past which I did not realize I had those feelings deep inside until then. In any case as time went on I saw my sister at the house she loved with her friend BABS KINKAIDE married to a banker and they had a conversation about

how “it is harder for someone who has or had money to lose it than someone who doesn’t or didn’ t

…we’ll obviously, but how would Babs know, she never didn’t have it. Real intelligent shit.  That was what Babs said and my sister was seething. If steam could come out of a nose it was coming out hers. At the time we were sitting on her back porch on lawn furniture. So I kept real quiet. I didn’t want to know about it in the first place. I did not benefit by my uncle’s wealth and

as my brother said “if you want to keep a secret

…..don’t tell it.”

Pretty good advice if you ask me.

IT WERN’T MY FAULT. She and Gary should have kept their secret if it was that important to them. If Tootie suffered we all had to suffer. I had no idea how much was at stake. NONE. I didn’t ask and I doubt they would have told me I just knew he was scared shitless when in San Antonio and my sister was livid. She was pissed at him. I asked my mom “what’s the deal?” as we sat in the dinette and my sister and her husband were going through some emotions nearby and my mom all she knew was her brother lost his new found wealth because of Gary. She didn’t say it that way. She was upset for them and for her brother. She didn’t blame them as far as I know but it was Gary’s fault. I don’t remember how she said it but she was scared for everyone involved. I don’t think she had any idea of the numbers involved. She just knew it wasn’t good for the family unity etc. I could see it in her eyes, sadness. Between a rock and a hard place and she didn’t benefit either way from their loss or gain. I think Gary’s dad was gonna help because I think he visited near then, but I don’t know. Wasn’t my business. I know my aunt seemed to enjoy my uncles wealth somehow and showed him respect she never showed toward him before. She always looked down on my uncle because he drank a lot but it didn’t matter when he had money. Same with Gary. My sister and her husband had no respect for my uncle’s kids or his wife’s kids. They weren’t that close anyway. It was all over some fantastic tactic Gary had invented having to do with options which he liked to yack about often and no one knew what the hell he was talking about. I don’t think he did either, because it was BS. He lost it all in one day, one hour and maybe only a few minutes on a famous Tuesday in October for the loss on the stock market. He was not the only one. After that Gary went around mocking with a pair of cardboard material cut in to glasses with a small hole in the middle which he thought would correct vision which was probably an idea he saw but much more prehistoric and primitive. He used to walk around with the card board glasses on his eyes with a pin hole in the middle. I don’t know if he was trying to be funny, but it obviously was kind of funny. I think after that they were like the guy in the bible who started getting kind of mean to others who owed him even though he screwed up. It is my suspicion.

All through their marriage when they invited you over to eat there was always a tag line: bring your own meat. When I invited people to eat at my home I didn’t tell them Bring your own meat but I guess Gary was kind of cheap in a way about some things and not others. He did not like to spend money but his wife did quite a bit. She bought a dress an everyday dress but by a designer for a thousand dollars. To me that is stupid. I don’t think she ended up wearing it much either. She did a bunch of redecorating to impress herself and friends. I almost lost my legs because of her redecorating when she asked me to get some samples she forgot in her car in the front seat when we were at some furniture place for her and a car a big white van backed up as I was leaning in and rammed the door of the car into my legs and destroyed the car door and luckily it did not break a bone but I was green with shock. I was sick as a dog. I wanted to throw up. We sued for a small amount of money and she even got some pain and suffering but she did not suffer. I did.  Her car needed work. I guess it cut into her day – kind of suffering. I had bad circulation for a while and had to be careful with my shins and lift my legs up, but it healed. etc. My future husband and I were able to move out of their home we stayed in for about a month to move to a one bedroom apartment with the money. It wasn’t a big deal obviously but at least we had a down payment. He was still up north when the accident occurred but we were preparing for marriage sort of. I had dents in my legs/shins from then on.

One of her friends was a teacher. She was a mess and should not have been a teacher in my opinion except for her repetitiveness when she blabbered: I remember once she made a big deal about my parents and how they changed diapers of their grandchildren or something with the kids when they were tots she giving her advice at my sister’s home. she was unbelievably obnoxious with her advice. My parents raised kids when there was no such things as disposable diapers. They had to be rinsed in a toilet and then washed in a machine if you had a washing machine. So to hear Susan ramble on about her own motherly talent it was sickening. She was married twice because her first husband grew tired of her ramblings. She was pretty when younger as I recall very pretty at least the first time I met her but her personality was tough to take for everyone who knew her especially my sister’s family. She was a nuisance kind of college friend. Everyone rolled their eyes when Susan was around not because she was around but because she kind of rattled people with her personality, bugged ya. EVERYONE. When her second husband died she was relieved I heard and displayed it at his funeral because he was hard to take as well. His last name was either Cane or Kaine which is kind of funny coincidentally, He was a nice guy compared to her but Gary basically had to put up with him and let everyone know that is what he did. Why? I don’t know but you don’t always get to pick the spouse of your wife’s college friend kind of relationship. I think he preferred her first husband to some degree. I don’t think Gary liked fishing and her husband liked to talk about it. He was a principal at a high school. I guess because he was married to my sister’s college friend one I bet she wished she didn’t have probably now. You sometimes have to put up with friends who grow sideways and I don’t mean weight. I mean mentally. But we put up with her BS because she was a friend of my sister who leaned on her and used her as well and was around. They used each other. I could go on about her son but I don’t want to. He was affected by her a great deal and I guess she did the best she could. Luckily he had a dad and another mother via his dad. Might have helped to even things out for him growing up with a nut. Even they had their problems as well but were in love which helped. I think it always does help when parents are in love with each other even if not natural parents all the time for the kids if possible however it isn’t often possible. They met working together at the office and he ditched his wife probably for good reason but it did not help Susan become a better person and so he may have been her demise personality wise but they fell out of love. Divorce in that instance was a good thing for them and for their son. Weird as that sounds. His second wife made him happier and hence probably helped Susan’s son whether she would like to admit it or not. She did nut like me as it turned out. I got her message loud and clear and she blamed me for Gary only because she wasn’t wise and because she was dishonest with my sister as most people were because it was easier than the alternative. She had a snippet of perception she thought was real and wasn’t. But just one of my problems dealing with my sister and her husband. She was one of those people who could drive the sanest person over a cliff if allowed to be around for more than was allowed. NEUROTIC to the nth degree and deceived herself. Most people are neurotic but she took advantage of the meaning and inflicted herself IMO. Deluded and kind of dumb as a result even though she was public school teacher of kids with problems. Not a very good position and not good for the kids but maybe they didn’t notice but she was able to get a teachers retirement regardless because they don’t actually have to be accountable or compete because of unions one of the biggest in our country which could be annulled if we were wise as a country so that we could get the best and so people like her would have to grow up instead of sideways.

Obviously, I knew a lot about them because we were close.

One thing that was strange to me after all we had been through my sister often tried to insist I spend the night at their home in order not to drive 45 minutes away to go home and because she liked to stay up and watch movies with me while I rubbed her back and Gary would go to bed at about 9. We were very close and had fun together but she was not the best back rubber. I was. I had good hands like my dad in that I had warm hands and often hot which is good for a certain type of massage. I usually used two hands because I knew the difference it made massaging to use two instead of one. Opposite affect with kind of a rhythm which made it easier in actuality to rub or massage as when you go to the Caverns and walk down the sidewalk into the Carlsbad Caverns it was almost easier to walk with a tot in your arms than without because the weight helped balance you. She didn’t just asks me to spend the night once but quite often and I had to decline and while thinking “are you outa your mind?” Lame brain. But I was polite instead.

She had a friend who lost her husband at the Grand Canyon. He was walking with his family behind them and disappeared and they found him later way down low. I guess he had a heart attack or something having to do with the distance. I almost fell into the Grand Canyon while dating my future husband with my dog who I took with me and  found out I wasn’t supposed to bring my Pomeranian in the area. Anyway I started to slip down  a slope and there was no fence and it was pitch black a few feet away but luckily I was able to get a grip of me and my dog in my arms. Then as we were on a ledge of the canyon a mule caravan came by and the leader of the caravan said “I hope your dog doesn’t bark” and of course he was a yapper. He barked. If you tried to sweep or vacuum he would go nuts. Or if someone was at the door and often he had a hard time trying to stop barking once he got started. He had never seen mule. You could tell by the way he looked at the mule in the front of the caravan. Anyway I turned to the wall of the ledge with my dog in my arms and held him close as he struggled to see the mule over my shoulder. He never barked and the caravan was able to get around us even though it was a slender ledge. I just didn’t move until they passed by.

When my husband before we were married was on the road and went to the Grand Canyon and he and his friends in the band who were on the road smoked a joint together on a place called Balance Rock in the area. Anyway the ranger came and made them get up in single file to get off the Balance Rock in case it decided to not stay  balanced anymore and tumble into the canyon. I think it has been like that for a long time. I would never have done that, I’ll tell you that much and I wouldn’t have done it with my dog for sure. I wasn’t that dumb. However it depends on the state of mind I might have been in if I came to the site already high. Then who knows I do know a lot of people die at the Grand Canyon and they hide it. They hide the numbers of deaths, that I do know and have heard. The guy who fell was married and had two daughters and I guess he left a letter behind to someone else and after that she was not in mourning. I’m not sure that would hinder me from mourning especially with two kids but I have no idea how their relationship was faring at the time. Seems a bit harsh. They ought to try and protect the people with barriers imo if they are gonna use it as a tourist site. Put up a bunch of signs about pets as well. I didn’t see any but might have just missed one tip about it. A lot of people go across country and stop in on the Grand Canyon on their way to California with their pets. My favorite type of trip is cross country driving although the ship was fun as a kid I have never been needing a cruise. I have never been on one and it’s not like i want someone else to entertain me when traveling. I would rather do my own thing as much as possible however you meet people the other way and if you are old it is nice to be waited on. I just don’t like schedules on vacation but having entertainment in your room is kind of necessary like a tv unless camping of course. I sure wouldn’t vacation naked or on those reality survival shows. I think it’s ridiculous and strange. First of all you have camera crew so it’s not like you are really out in the wild. I hope it dies a quick death entertainment wise for the industry as most reality shows do because it’s crap. No one acts the same in front of a camera as they do when a camera isn’t on them. However I have gotten used to ‘to some degree’ being watched but not my own accord. It’s not my way because I prefer privacy and tend not to be myself as much but it has been that way since my first operation for some reason and a little before. I have no idea before that except what happened when my sister came from Texas to Georgia to help me talk to my parents and a priest was by her side on the plane which hasn’t happened since or before as far as I know. I have no idea what good it did because I never talked to him. I guess he was writing or removing my name from his catholic book or writing his list and checking it twice.

My brother didn’t really seem to be the same after the meeting and after my dad died. He stayed in my sister’s home at the time of the meeting which might have been a mistake. I don’t know. He acted funny at the funeral as well towards me watching me more than normal but I saw what I saw during the meeting a time before my dad died and it was good. I know he meant well. I felt like he was judging me kind of then or trying to judge me and my reactions to my dad in a coffin.  And no one can take that time from me of what I saw in my brother’s eyes at the meeting and his voice and words to me about our family and what it meant to him. We had a great family and I think someone was jealous of our love and closeness even with our problems.

Wanted to make hay of it. IMO.

My sister was in charge of the funeral and had her family in the first car with my mom and then either my little sister in the next or my brother and his family in the next. and then the other one in the next and I was supposed to be in the car with my cousin and my aunt at my dad’s funeral. I thought it was a slight by my sister then. I was getting used to it but it still hurt. I felt that the immediate family should be with my mom in the first car and the kids in the next cars/limos. So instead I didn’t ride in a limo. I rode in my car. She and her family were the most important of them all in her mind. It sounds small but my sister was kind of that way towards me in her way after the meeting. The meeting had unintended repercussions which my brother was not privy to or anticipating. It probably should have been either done without their knowledge or included them. If it included them it probably was not gonna happen because of my brother who wasn’t into it to that degree not out of lack of care but to avoid hostility of that nature, I think. It sounds kind of small of me to bitch about it but it’s like that rung in a ladder. It was there.  As a family we had great times together doing things usually at my parent’s home because they were good parents and everyone loved them in our family and they loved us. We played Balderdash and other games and went on trips together mostly driving kinds and had fun together even with our problems. We did lots of things together as a family and we were a good family individually and together, but not always. we also had our weaknesses. It wasn’t their problems that came to us. It came from out of our family to our family and we did the best we could. My mom handled my brother when the time was right out of love for her son and daughter whether all of it was true or not. It never happened again, Gary’s parents obviously didn’t and so we were his parents in a way without realizing it because they did not do what they should have or maybe they handled it wrong with their own son and used jealousy to handle him which is not the way to handle it. Gary’s dad thought of himself as a Christian I know by the gifts he gave but he wasn’t forthright IMO He over drank daily and thought too high of himself. He was not an evil person or a monster he just wasn’t a great dad and I think he failed his son which had an effect on everyone. I think he was a bit of a puppet and probably why he drank so often. Every time I saw him he was high on booze to some degree except once. I didn’t see him often at all. My impressions of Gary’s dad and no wonder Gary drank daily. My mom had a drinking problem but it was not daily by any means and she had a lot to overcome because of others and she did it. She was an amazing woman. We overcame with her in many ways but Gary was a conundrum. He was tough to deal with and we all loved him because of the good things he did possess in his own way. I don’t think it is easy to be esteemed for the wrong reasons and can cause trouble for everyone around it. Demonic kind of influences which are not an easy thing to deal with, but have power because of it. So he had a lot to overcome and so did we to add more fuel to the fire of the hearth than was needed. He had one aspect of him about failure and that was something he learned himself which was to

keep trying.

I noticed his attitude after some big failures and had some bad reactions as well but like when someone dies you go through phases of healing, In a way he was like my uncle who had the same kind of drive to keep himself called self-preservation though he rarely failed as far as i know. He told me once I could be anything I wanted to be which at the time was a nice thing to say and I appreciated his attitude. Very much like my mom and was for me not against me in the sense of being a human or a relative trying to help. Problem came from outside mostly.

One of the last times we got together the second to the last with my brother when we took care of my sisters kids kids Gary was more interested in my butt crack and underwear whispering in my ear as we got up from dinner on the river about it. I had saved his grandchild that day or sometime that weekend from falling off a ledge at The ARC. He had wandered off EXPLORING and like boys do wanted to see what it looked like to look down the ledge which was about three stories high into a fountain and a pond in the neighborhood below. He didn’t make it to the end of the walk I was yelling at him to go back because he was young and it was dangerous. That night my little sister was getting high drinking walking with her new hubby and the rest of us with the kids running around and she told me not to watch my sister’s grandkids. Let my sister do it. Easy to say but when there is a river with water the color of deep tinted greenish-blusih black water at night without rails in some areas and definitely a snake and rat infested water I couldn’t do that. So there was some sort of friction going on between my little sister and my eldest sister I wasn’t aware of on that visit. My other sister in law mentioned money I owed my brother via the house down-payment as well to me in a whisper in the lobby and never explained herself. I think everyone was making a deal without my knowledge. It was a contract we signed and upon the sale of the house he would definitely get his money if we didn’t pay it back beforehand but my ex went bankrupt and there was nothing I could do about it and let the house go because he said his dream house no one wanted or would want to buy and I was not well, going through a no fault divorce, without money, or a job or anything. I was fucked. Perfect time for that cuss word. Perfect place to put it. I was and I had been screwed over by everyone except my parents. My brother wasn’t trying to screw me over but I think he had had enough and wasn’t in the loop as much as he thought he was and was not well talked about as far as being called pathetic by my eldest sister because he did not want to sue his acquaintance and owners of the sushi restaurant because of accidental food poisoning but she sure didn’t mind him advising me not to sue her because of our relationship being family and because of work place sexual abuse etc. I could have but he was right about family. It did not take me long to figure it out –  a certified letter kind of did the trick and common sense.  I was still very upset and had been ravaged and still more to go/come. The long term results were important. I am still not done yet either.  It was a bigger deal than if a stranger had been the culprit or if it had nothing to do with family. It would not have cut me to the core as it did. I could have said FUCK YOU and not cared one way or the other to the people at the office and others involved. I could have moved to another state etc started over. But it was a big deal to me and then it got worse when they took it out on my parents, other family members, me, and even themselves. It was one bad deal which we had to endure and in my opinion with everything we had wrong with us were far superior to those who screwed us and especially the BGEA and the RCC and believe me both will never live it down. Both will rue the day they messed with us. I believe it and I think and I hope God sees it somewhat close to how we do or vice versa and I hope we see it close to how God sees it and I think will be a great help to us and we will be reconciled, healed, and  many other good things because we really were and are a good family comparatively and my parents really were special. I know it must be that way because of what has happened so far and the signs I have been given. Not a lot of signs but enough. I know because we are blessed but we were attacked severely from every which way and no human could have done it better than we did.  What we had to contend with was BIG and I don’t know anyone or have never met anyone who would have done it better except maybe God himself. It was as big as if someone placed a nuke in your living room and expected you to be thankful, but you would have to know us to understand what I mean. You would have had to know my parents like we did to understand what I’m talking about. All in all individually and as a whole we were and are still a very special family and we were not moral laurels and full of shit. We were and are real people in a very hard spot and I believe most of us most of the time did the best we could. Probably all of us but I wasn’t privy to everything going on and of course God has a lot to do with it and I know he is not done yet.

I think my revelations may have driven some demons my way because of jealousy. I learned things others hadn’t that were a threat to many in the business of faith. That was not my intent but was the result. I think we were attacked for truths sake which is why I have hope still after everything I have been through for my family the one I grew up with and the family I had as well and for me. I have never seen such a resistance as I have seen when it comes to the mustard seed dilemma. It’s quite crazy. I know we were attacked on the basis of the premise of the mustard seed being the smallest of seed when it wasn’t all along. I did not make it up. I imagine it was similar in Europe when astronomers figured out the earth wasn’t flat and caused quite a change in the world. The mustard seed dilemma is a huge dilemma especially in this day and age and it will sink in, not by me necessarily, but it will sink in.

We did not talk about God then but my brother didn’t appreciate my view of God but he never did before either nor my sister’s ideas either about God. He had his own ideas and was learning at his own pace about life and all that it entails and of course it has like I said changed as well sometimes I progress and sometimes I don’t because of the deceptions which are many. I don’t’ think about God all the time obviously but I know God is real and has affected my life and helped me to understand some things. He didn’t appreciate anyone’s viewpoint about God as time showed. It wasn’t like he showed much respect of other peoples view points about much of anything lol except for my little sister for some reason at her home on one of those family visits to see my mom as if she was protection of his as if he needed it and he didn’t, but the opposite. He kind of cowered around me about some issue and it was weird but the issue was weird and told me not to go there when I tried to show my sister and her husband and him in the house at the time about some things I found and had to explore the internet to find. It was about the school shooting in Newtown and what I had found through some truthers on the net who showed some inconsistencies that were huge during the Obama Administration and in regards to the false reports. I recognized one of the women in my past who had the greatest amount of information flooded by a bunch of crap we had to swim through on the news programs and on the internet in regards to the mass/murder suicide/ shooting and to find her investigation which was very thorough and she was a catholic woman.  Gary saw it and he recognized it was a deception which was kind of funny because he was the only one that did recognize it or admitted he recognized it and was amused by it for some reason. My sister, his wife didn’t even try to watch and then said “I don’t buy it” as if she had. My other sister was on the computer looking up recipes probably mine which she took when living with me and was gonna put on a computer isntead of on the recipe cards I had written out over the years of my favorites and never did and they disappeared during her divorce while living with me. She was not interested in much of anything other than herself. She was never into others feelings. In any situation it was usually without understanding of others peoples feelings and just how she was – kind immature in that way. She had virtues as well but that was not one of them. She never was into someone else’s shoes even though she tried to display it for show later because of her new husband and his desires to screw our family and her. She had moments of sweetness and love at times but I think a very confused person and needed to lean more than most on others. She lived with my family for a year or more and it was wild. It was not an easy thing to go through during her divorce and of course she was driven nuts by others who knew how to push her buttons and were taking advantage of her especially the lawyers involved who could have given a shit about anyone but themselves and the money they could get. There was no mercy in them. Hardened creatures using divorce as a means to some end and hopefully their own end. The first ones she tried said they were Christian and they were the worst of all. In my opinion who she was influenced by was the worst of the worst.

CRAZY as CRAZY CAN BE.

 THE BGEA.

My brother became kind of less of a person after the time he stayed with my older sister at the time of the meeting. Both my sisters were BGEA influenced. Heavy influence and I think he got in trouble with some bets he made having to do with baseball previously. He loved baseball and anything to do with baseball. He lost his home and was using his office space to live with his wife above his business space /to keep his office going for awhile yet he had won a big federal case against FEDEX because he was a good lawyer. A very good lawyer at the time. Became kind of wealthy and then lost it somehow and I think he was screwed over and his wife blamed him more than likely. I think he was sought out to be diminished or controlled and squirmed by somehow to some degree because he won a federal case. Feds don’t like people with those kind of talents. IMO. I think he was squeezed and did the best he could under those kind of circumstances and may have blamed me but I had nothing to do with it. I only noticed he changed and then he became a Gore Fiend. (Saw the movie by Gore funded probably by the Catholic Church like Mel Gibsons movies which I think are backed by the RCC.) I guess and was influenced by it and his wife who is Catholic. He wasn’t really religious until then and Gore’s ideas are religious based ideas from the Catholic Church originally so they may cause havoc on the world using weather phenomena and magnetic miccrowave type engineering of some kind at places like HAARP to cause destruction and to control. It also affects the minds of those who use it and who it is used upon. Each person is different so the affects of the weapon are varied on each individual and depending on other factors as well and the affects on the environment are as varied and in my opinion why mental dysfunction is so prevalent these days in the populations. Everyone blaming the warming or climate which neither can affect it but is affected by those kind of weapons. Earth isn’t void of power in that God does have power to fix problems that arise or we would not be here anymore.

In Israel there is a monument that kind of displays the prophetic dilemma and clues etched by an awl (a sharp tool) on stone of this kind of intimidation and criminal activity by someone who wanted it to be permanent for whomever has eyes to see and suspicion enough to notice it means something and who is behind the destruction at the time and in future troubles we are facing these days which I wrote about in another post on my blog. It had to do with Rome. This I found out by their clues that the RCC could not or did not erase. You can read more about it if you want to on Merangue’s Blog which links many posts I have written and with links to other articles I found helpful to my needs to explain what I have explored and including about the bible and comparing of the gospels and the Old Testament and about the JFK assassination and my own personal familial type stuff which had a lot to do with my exploration or need of exploration. Gore’s wealth and his religion had something to do with the hanging chads in Florida and a payoff of some kind for losing to the Bush administration which changed the way our elections were taken and counted via computers. Another avenue to take over the USA and

because we won World War ll.

My little sister lied about my brother to me about being in a wheel chair before a family visit to my mom while staying in her home when he wasn’t in a wheel chair and weird shit started happening and pretty soon we were no longer a family. My older sister said he was pathetic for not getting involved in a lawsuit she and my other sister and their husbands desired in regards to food poisoning at a sushi restaurant which put her in the hospital for a week and the last time I heard (from my ex) which he learned from my older sister that he resented anyone who voted for Trump and didn’t want to have anything to do with the family anymore. I didn’t vote for Trump or anyone else because of the deception in the news. I didn’t know whether anything was true or not because most of it was false news as I discovered over time before the election WAY BEFORE during the Obama Administration and even before as we learned more and more about false news. I figure it’s the GREAT DECEPTION that has been prophesied in the bible. This is all I can figure it must be because it is so weird. I wasn’t at the restaurant with them so I have no idea if it’s true or not I just heard about it via my little sister and then my older sister and the ex. Rumors. Which is also a prophetic sign however on a family level and not worldwide, I hope, though it seems kind of a minuscule resemblance to world wide events.

I had no idea we meant that much to everyone. 😉 It sure didn’t seem like it.

I made a joke about Pence on another post I wrote recently being on a ship/carrier and how it was inciting violence because he looked kind of silly to me (not to others but to me) in his flap jacket and may have been well-meaning but seemed kind of silly and then all of a sudden US ships are being attacked. I guess there have been three attacks or accidents lately in the news whether it’s true or not. I don’t know because I wasn’t there. I don’t mean to put him down it seemed showy and like he was asking for it from a nut because there are some in this world and countries that have leaders who are nuts. I heard on Fox there were three accidents involving US ships lately in a blurb by some news anchor about some accidents in the Japan area and if it was mostly the damage beneath the water with the deaths of men sleeping at the time seemed more like an attack at two in the morning than a mere accident. Reminded me of the attack on Pearl Harbor yet our ships are in the area of Japan. I’m not a specialist in damage of ships but eerily sounded of some type of deception as occurred in WWll and from IRAN  twenty or so years ago but in broad daylight. Probably a JESUIT deception because that is the kind of thing Jesuits do or have done in the past to stir things up between peoples all over the world to protect the RCC and it’s valueless reputation. Wouldn’t surprise me but if it was influenced by Obama it would not surprise me either. So much shit has happened nothing is beyond imagination and all over a stupid mustard seed not being the smallest of seed. IMO. How hard can it be to overcome a seed that isn’t as small as claimed. We got over Michail Gorbechov’s birth mark seems to me we could get over this false notion that was testified to by a pope in the recent past as a ploy though he called it the New Enlightenment of faith which is obviously a man-made type of enlightenment. We got over the world isn’t flat. Used to be the RC killed babies with birth marks in the past as a sign of witchcraft so I figure it has to do with the Catholic Church and it’s allies. I guess it’s the Catholic idea of recompense for figuring out the mustard seed is not the smallest of seed which means there will probably be Vatican 111 to reconcile the difference it makes and as far as the Vatican is concerned and it may take them a thousand years to come to terms with their own deceptions. It makes a big difference and people like Cal Thomas need to get a grip on this small truth. If he can’t do that what kind of faith does he possess? Must be really small! Something obviously has affected his mind if he can’t grasp the truth of the matter in regards to the mustard seed. Obviously a problem with women in his own mind and heart. He can’t accept that women have charge of their own bodies or should have charge of their own bodies anyway and the attitude of most men isn’t right with God. The devil hated the female as well. Must have affected a lot of people’s minds and instead of grasping for the truth would rather live a lie which is very sad to say the least and deceptive. No wonder about the tsunami in the Indian Ocean which affected the axis of earth. Altering it is a mammoth achievement I’m not sure man could have achieved however the Japanese tsunami was achievable via man made devices and in response, I think. Which has affected our food supply our oceans and who knows what else. It was a response to the hoped for delay of the Neo Catechumenal Way in Japan by catholics who noticed a rise in suicides as a result of the NeocatechumenalWay being touted and pushed by the RCC in ROME. I do not know if Pope Benedict caused it but he was definitely guilty by association which is a big problem for many people. He may have had nothing to do with it but he did warn about the One World Government WITH TEETH and about the Jews not being responsible for the death of Jesus and about the New Enlightenment called faith and his popery was shorter probably because of his warnings and in his place we got a Jesuit asshole for a pope, but he ain’t mine. He also was an advocate for truth in charity. He had been enlisted in the Nazi military as a kid but he was forced in to it at the time during WWll but after his popery and after retiring from it quite dramatically he was depicted as Stalin on the internet or Stalins son which I thought was kind of odd. Obviously he had made enemies in the Catholic Church probably the Jesuits since the Jesuits replaced him. He actually had made some big advances for the religion of catholicism unlike the majority of popes in the past which were not worthy nor righteous.

Back to Joel Olsteen and his sermon which touched on animals and whether they possess morality or a sense of morality and I think they might. They have a will so I think they may possess a morality especially when trained or to each other or to others. Not sure how developed it is but I guess it depends on the circumstance and the animal. Jesus at the Sea of Galilee got the fishermen to catch 153 fish and perhaps his will was more than theirs but they got caught in the nets for his miracle. Maybe it was by mutual consent. I don’t know. Not 154 but 153 which has some kind of meaning which I went through on a few posts and so have many others done the same with their ideas of the meaning of it. What would be the point of animal sacrifice if there wasn’t some kind of morality in it? Like in the movie the Last of the Mohicans and they kill a deer and pray over it. A spiritual prayer and appreciation so they could eat. Granted it was a movie but the same goes for the ram caught in the brambles with Abraham and his son and the lamb’s blood in Egypt, etc. I don’t think it meant pets though. I think they have morality in that we teach them to love and be loved and they do teach kids about love and caring, imo. When a  dog warns his master of a thief or a break in that’s kind of a will that has some kind morality behind the action or warning a dog might give by barking or the dog could go to sleep and not warn his master. What kind of dog would not warn his master? A moral less dog. It may be a small thing but not for the master if he wasn’t aware of a prowler, etc. Often times the dog gets killed for the warning so there must be some kind of morals it possesses. I guess it depends on the training and the love. Obviously instinct is involved as well. I think God uses animals sometimes, like he did my kitty who was murdered in my opinion and was the sweetest cat in the world. Little Romeo. A cat that loved everyone and wouldn’t hurt a flea and only by mistake.  I explained it in another post I wrote and about Buck my dog who was shot by our neighbors by accident I think and died and my daughter and I saw him running around and we saved a dog because of seeing him with Buck. There was some morality in this event. A man got his beloved dog back at the verity least and we saw Bucks spirit which is a reminder to us.

What was the point of a dove lighting on Jesus when he was baptized? A sign. Or a dove in the yard at the hospital before my dad died. It was a sign. Or the blackbird and dove on the ship of Noah. A sign or two. People used to send messages via doves and birds. God created the animals and fishes and birds and pets for us to enjoy and learn from and about. When you see a kid kill an animal just be a jerk that is a sign the kid isn’t very nice and needs some help. When a person puts a pet in a garage door smashing it as a threat or to intimidate or in fun you can pretty much know that person is fucked up. Isn’t that right? When someone tortures an animal it’s a sign of a messed up person who has a problem and can be a problem for others.

There are some people that cannot be taught and/or don’t care.

My brother is not one of them.

My family is not one of them.

There is another prophecy I was intending to write about that was in the Book of Daniel. I’m going by memory and not checking to recheck my memory. It had to do with something standing where it should not and there has a been a lot of that kind of thing going on such as when I saw in pictures about Benghazi with Michelle Obama at Benghazi with a syringe in one hand and a rifle of some kind in another and her hair is short or she isn’t wearing a wig and and looks like her face is swollen by plastic surgery wearing sandals with heels rolled up jeans and in front of a building on fire. I have written about it already and of course my dad seeming to be there with a bork looking face half eaten or something that appeared in photo on the net about Benghazi, etc. Really dangerous stuff and cruel and a concern of course and many other intimidating photos of things unimaginable except by a fucking lunatic in regards to my family. Then recently saw a movie using names I know and seeing people I recognize at the Love Field Airport when JFK was coming to Dallas. Or seeing people I know in other places that are having to do with JFK’s assassination that could not have been there except to be matted in somehow using a photo type program to add their image such as my brother who was only a kid appearing in one photo in particular when he was with me at a dancing party “a twisting party” in England when we got the news that JFK had been assassinated on one of our birthdays and since the date of JFKs assassination was in November it had to be a birthday between my sister and I- my little sister and I and the kids at the party were a little older more like for my brother and older sister and more than likely for my older sister. We had it on family film and it wasn’t just a memory. I think it was a birthday party but could have been just a party a dance party and if that’s the case I don’t really have a reference point birthday wise. The party stopped of course. We stopped twisting. Twisting was a form of dancing at the time because of the Beatles I guess and a few other American stars at the time.

On Fox now they are talking about the guy whose son died via a coma he got I guess from a beating he got in North Korea and was given back recently and it does not sound reasonable. Sorry. Why would North Korea give back a prisoner so the world could see of a prisoner in a coma when they try to hide so many other things. Doesn’t make sense but the guy looks like a nut and a by product of Billy Graham and another person. Weird looking guy. Fox never ceases to amaze me with the news they project. This one is weird. Before this guy was given up another prisoner was given back alive who may have put other prisoners of war in danger or spies in danger that might have been there because of his nonsense and he looked like he was the type to pass out nonsense for who knows why. 15 minutes of fame? Money? He was the one talking about the way people acted while he was there. I guess he either escaped or was given back but at the time I thought he did not sound reasonable in the sense that what he did could be treasonous. It was about a month ago or more. The pictures we saw of this person held by North Korea is of a guy walking around with two North Korean soldiers so that isn’t someone in a coma, is it? Ridiculous news. Someone in a coma can’t walk, okay? Talk about crazy.

The prophecy about something “standing where it should not” is talking about something other than a person. Person, place, or thing…. and it’s a thing.  It’s the prophecy itself which is now in the Book of Matthew and says (whosoever let the reader understand) which was in parenthesis. Something like it anyway. You have to have read it to know it was there and it was always kind of odd so it was noticeable to most people who have read the Book of Daniel in the Old Testament and the reader obviously read it at one time or another and it really doesn’t make sense in the Gospel of Matthew at all where as it made sense in the Book Of Daniel when it was in the Book of Daniel but by showing up in the Gospel of Matthew it makes the Book of Matthew more prevalent or is meant to by a nut. The whole business of the assassination of JFK and the Vatican ll had to do with making the Book of Matthew of the gospels the pre-eminent gospel and since it appeared first in the bible of the 4 main gospels it already had pre-eminence so it was a ridiculous attempt to give the Gospel of Matthew the pre-eminence it already had being placed where it was. The gospel of Matthew is one of the three Synoptic Gospels which includes the business about the mustard seed being the smallest of seed which since we have learned is not the smallest of seed and includes other prophecies on the Mount most of which are without any details which is like going to see someone with a crystal ball telling you there will be many men in your future (tell me something I don’t know) or things like that when Jesus could have mentioned airplanes, or trains, space travel, many things including abortions (however the Gospel of John: Jesus says Feed my lambs and sheep in reference to abortion and against those who use abortion as an excuse to hospice IMO and as a sign of something bigger than a mustard seed coming towards the way of Peter and if you stack it up with Revelation it isn’t good for the RCC and was a warning to be heeded or else and for us to take notice of the deception and possibly some things we don’t know on the horizon. Deflection ain’t gonna work this time!), or things that might have been much more specific: the Sermon on the Mount: which could be referring to a horse and not a mountain. So many things look a little different these days after finding out the mustard seed isn’t the smallest of seed and it would behoove some people to take it seriously instead of relying on lies and false credentials which will turn around and rend you if you don’t. It’s a choice. No one knows who wrote the synoptic gospels but the credit is given to the “Q source.” which I and many other people before me have written about.  The Gospel of John does not include or did not include the business about the mustard seed being the smallest of seed. I’m not saying the Gospel of John is perfect but it excluded the mustard seed shenanigans which by finding out it was in the Gospel of Matthew kind of demoted the Gospel of Matthew by it’s own petard using two other gospels that basically said the same thing which is not proof but copying in a different style depending on the writer and the personality of the writers involved. It also includes the genealogy of Jesus and is the kind of genealogy that cannot be proven and some things have also occurred in a few other Books of the Bible to help the genealogy but obviously they were tampered with during the dark ages which I and others before me have written about. I THINK  the book of Zechariah or Zephania do some tap dancing in regards to the genealogy to support the Gospel of Matthew which I wrote about and others before have done the same. Obviously I got some help because of those before me and some legitimate evidence of BS.

If you believe a guy being escorted out by the North Korean soldiers is in a coma walking around you have to be out of your mind. People in comas don’t walk around nor do they twist.

I heard he went over with a group of people but why were there photos of him and film of him walking as if he was dizzy with the guards obviously not in a coma yet I know this story may be a lie a false news story usually are because there have been so many. Who took the film? Interesting question, isn’t it? Is it allowed in North Korea?

American student detained by North Korea has died 

Supposedly the American student in North Korea has died in a Cincinnati hospital. What the hell was an American student doing in North Korea? Taking a class in stupidity?

“Standing where it should not”

has to do with the concept of supporting. Giving credence. Credentials etc. False credibility since it should not etc. and being placed in the wrong location to give false credence. It helps to remember. Really does and has to do with the prophecy in the Book of Daniel being placed in the Gospel of Matthew to deceive because I sure as heck don’t remember it in the Gospel of Matthew a while back but I do remember it being an odd statement in the Book of Daniel of the Old Testament and the solution I prescribed or suggest of the prophecy and its meaning makes sense. I could be wrong, but I don’t think so. The reason I say that is because it says something about let the reader understand and since most catholics don’t read the bible they wouldn’t know it was moved and since revelation is explicit about the RCC /Vatican and it’s description and it’s demise and since   the Vatican ll and the events occurring in 1963 have been written about as having to do with the preeminence of the Gospel Of Matthew it sure makes sense to me if you disect or put meaning to the words of the prophecy and why it might have been moved and the reasons for the move from the Old testament to the New Testament it makes sense. I’m not a prophet nor hope to be one. I’m just trying to make sense of what I think I know.

Or why move it? That is the question, if my memory is correct.

It could have a double meaning and also be referring to the Shroud of Turin and the 3-D rendoring of the Shroud : The image of the beast placed where it should not and it will eventually talk somehow causing people to worship it. If people flock to Guyanaananana or flock to see Robert Tilton etc it’s not so implausible. In the Old testament wasn’t it Daniel who got in trouble for not worshiping some image or statue at a particular time. I think so. It was someone in the Old Testament anyway.

I think the way Joel Olsteen acts is kind of robotic and especially his gestures.




Perhaps we might get to explore strange new worlds, and seek out new life and new civilizations, and boldly go where no one has gone before in some important ways.

Why not?

I think my family and friends have things to look forward to regardless how bleak things seem at this point in time.  I’m counting on it and hope deep within their hearts they are hoping for the same thing in their way.

‘Here Comes Peter Cottontail’ – By Gene Autry – Happy Easter

There is more coming in regards to George Ball (Nothing propinks like propinquity), my newest brother in law married to my little sister, “How much wood would a woodchuck wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood” DOD Secretary under Obama: Chuck Hagel (Get Ready, America and Chuck Hagel had no reason to question the motives of Obama he said even though it is his job)  and the Queens ring-bearer for their 50th or 60th Diamond Jubilee anniversary a few years back (the year is insignificant of the anniversary) and the Supreme Court Justice who died recently: Antonin Scalia. Just some interesting stuff we need to remember about them and their reason for being. Some inconsistencies about him FOR SURE!~REAL INTERESTING ONES!

A funny thing happened a few hospital visits ago. I had an indian doctor who was kind of short and was wearing khaki pants. I can’t remember if he was wearing a white jacket like doctors do but it was open if he was. He asked me the usual question “what is goin on?” or something like it and I was on the bed explaining to him as best I could and his pants were kind of kinking at his groin like khaki pants often do. I was thinking as I was talking and not looking him in the eyes and I guess he thought I was looking at his male parts and he did the funniest expression. It was cute, not rolling his eyes but looked like it was bugging him and he looked up with his big eyes at the ceiling as if saying “why is this happening?” The bed was at that level and I wasn’t looking at him that way but it was like a comedy. Very funny moment. Most of my problems have been because of my gall bladder which has 6 stones which I believe have caused my near seizures which is very hard to live with. Makes you feel like you are going to turn to stone and is very scary. Plus because of my scar tissue because of the first operation and because the gall bladder is near the liver and also the small intestines which my doctor years ago warned me might be a problem for a number of reasons. Cracked me up. He should have raised the bed. A common problem these days is the gall bladder. Not sure why. Could be climate change. I have heard a lot of people having problems. It isn’t that uncommon but I have heard about a lot of them lately.

When Justice Scalia died he had been quail hunting in an area called Cibola Creek Ranch and was at a lodge (Large) I guess when he died of natural causes supposedly. I think he was murdered. He was kind of controversial in that he was a Justice of the Supreme Court and his stance on abortion was very Catholic, in a way and kind of compartmentalized. He kind of died coincidentally when the issue of abortion and planned parenthood has been a bone of contention for the RCC, our politicians, the press and during the Jesuit Pope Francis Roman Catholic style inquisition trying to punish women psychologically and in some countries with jail time who have had legal abortions as if they were guilty of murder and yet the Pope saints Mother Teresa a murderer of the elderly using abortion as an excuse to use hospice to kill the enemies of the Catholic Church incognito and because we won WWll the vets in our country and their wives who  served their country and never mentioning it is actually murder suicide by hospice by Mother Teresa’s and the RCC’s Dogma and instead sanctioning it confusing many people. Glorifying her. People used to Glorify Hitler when they had to. I don’t really understand Scalia’s beef or stance on abortion but the videos no one has seen and only snippets by catholic nuns claiming via partial birth abortions people are supposedly buying baby parts including livers the size of peanuts and without proof of those sales. Partial Birth abortion is illegal isn’t it so how could Planned Parenthood be preforming Partial Birth abortions if it’s illegal.  There is no need unless you are intending to farm woman for abortions for some kind of catholic businessmen, like the mob. I don’t believe it because if there were videos we would have seen them regardless of a judge prohibiting the release of videos with the proof because the Roman Catholic Church has the wherewithal to do it anyway so of course raises suspicion in me as to the verity of those claims and because the women starring in the videos act like Roman Catholic lunatics and are lying their asses off and look like lunatics as well and one was recently photoed shaking the popes hand in Rome and she was wearing a habit and one of those women was an actress I recognized on the Prairie.  So the RCC is playing a hide and seek game hoping the judge will prohibit the release of videos because the videos implicate the RCC. The USA is not the world and the RCC is all over the world unlike the USA and Mother Teresa’s Hospice is in a ton of countries and parishes all over the world and if they had proof they certainly are hiding it. What is occurring is an inquisition against women to control their bodies as if their bodies were the property of the Bishops and the Cardinals and the Popes and Priests all male institution and women are not their property and because the RCC likes to torture women because they don’ t like women as much as the devil doesn’t like women and also because the RCC was caught abusing kids and they don’t want to accept responsibility for the abuse nor the injuries of kids legally and/or financially to make amends to those kids lately and in the past and the RCC have been caught hiding the abusers and hiding their banking problems of laundering money for the mob and using some USA tax dollars funneled in various ways out of our country for the mob and also laundering mob drug money from other countries  and hoping to stall the legalization of marijuana which would if legalized hinder the mob from making more money and corrupting more kids using marijuana as a gateway drug to get them on other more addictive drugs such as heroin and many others via marijuana contacts and dealers of the mob. Marijuana doesn’t have to be a gateway drug if we take it out of their equation and out of their control as we did alcohol via legalization and use it for our defense instead and to fund other things as well such as the national debt which I think ought to be annulled (Why not?) and because the mob and the Vatican use the money of illegal drugs to screw up the world which isn’t exactly holy nor clean, certainly not godly and the Vatican hired Kissinger to help them with their lousy reputation which is deserved. Ever read the proverb in bible about kisses? Go to the bible online and look up kisses and there ye shall find.

Funny thing though, when Scalia was asked (It’s on Wikipedia) if he believed the devil was real and he said he did like most Catholics do and said “the devil made pigs jump off a cliff”…. which in the bible is Jesus who sends the pigs over a cliff. He put the evil spirits causing madness in some crazy guys into pigs instead and the pigs ran off a cliff into the SEE. Not sure which gospel but I think one of the synoptic gospels. What he said before that led me to believe the Jesus that did that was Catholic. He asks some people “how do you protect your children if your children were possessed” in another stunt he does which is very Catholic kind of statement and of course in Israel at the time the Romans were occupying Israel like the Nazis occupied some countries. The RCC have Exorcists. I’m paraphrasing quite a bit because I don’t want to look it up but Catholic Dogma is kind of funny about the Devil vs Satan. Most people are. I just assume both are evil whether one and the same. Recently their famous exorcist (Bishop, I think) said the devil had entered the vatican. I haven’t any idea who it was in reference to but I guess he ought to know. No one really knows if Satan and the Devil are one and the same but since the Jesuits are in charge I would suspect the devil and satan are pleased.

Like Anne Graham Lotz is an anagram of an anagram,

Satan is an anagram for Santa Claws.

I think Scalia was correct when he said the Constitution is a dead document especially since the constitutionalists aren’t willing to tell the truth about the mustard seed. And if it isn’t dead yet, it will be. It’s a matter of time and will be a moot point because it won’t exist. IMO, but the Ten Commandments will. It sure didn’t represent, protect, include

me nor my family.

It is only as good as the people that uphold it and no one does especially when it comes to females, but love to talk about it, like politics.

In any case Cibola was near where my parents lived.

Obviously, Jesus was not born on Christmas Day as everyone knows. Christmas is the winter solstice I think but religiologists included Jesus and inserted him in this celebration because it got them more business when the celebrations were already popular and could have been a separate celebration and the RCC could have tried to figure out the real date of birth of Jesus through the many documents they own in their archives and in their treasures they stole and hid and plundered had another celebration but they suffer the deadly sins of gluttony and sloth and would rather abuse women and girls and sexually abuse little boys every chance given. Nobody knows when he was born which is interesting since genealogy is so important in the Gospel of Matthew. I guess the RCC wanted to control the seasons as well as the climate using Jesus. In essence the RCC are control freaks, hate females, love the mob, want to decide who can marry who, who can divorce who, and who can be forgiven via a fee for whatever it is a person is accused of depending on their station in life, their sex, their race, their age, their beauty, and their religion, their business, their political affiliations, their talent, their assets, and how much it will cost and/or profit the RCC. If you give them an inch the RCC will take a mile and because of the deadly sins they like to abuse called envy and lust and because the RCC moral instinct and sinful nature of the deadly sins of pride and greed don’t want to admit the mustard seed is not the smallest of seed have succumbed to the deadly sin of wrath against women and girls in retaliation and against their families around the world who believe and stand by their children for legal abortion to protect them from the rape, pillage and ravage of priests, Bishops, Cardinals, and Jesuit popes and the mob who hide in the population incognito that assist them to plunder anyone if possible in order to do it over and over and over again until every country on earth is a banana Republic and women are pregnant 9 months of every year and use the girls to incubate their sperm which they acquire in various ways in order to keep the RCC the most populous religion in the world hence the most powerful while at the same time diminishing populations of other religions via Mother Teresa’s Sisters of Mercies to sterilize the females and males in other countries who aren’t quite up to snuff as far as their assets and property or desirability and so as not to have to feed anyone if possible via starvation and hospice to disobey the last thing Jesus commanded at the Sea of Galilee to Feed my Sheep because Jesus was not really Roman Catholic:

The Process is called Replacement Theology.

It takes a while but with bad intel and deception it can work if given the chance to move forward by the people of the world’s and their ignorance of the RCC’s long term goals to decimate the other large religious competitors: Islam and others i.e. Self-Preservation because the RCC knows it cannot rule the world if it doesn’t accomplish it’s deceptions and allow via deception the destruction of Islam via other religions and countries eventually. The RCC does plan to be the boss, of course. It doesn’t happen overnight but I guarantee it is in their vision to achieve. Why not? The World Government with Teeth as prophesied by the RCC Pope, himself. There ain’t no way the RCC and ISLAM will be the last two religions for each other. The two will be against each other but not until the other does it’s dirty work because the RCC is slothful and gluttonous. Obviously, both religions will not rule the world. You would have to be an idiot to think otherwise but the RCC is connoting on it and vice-versa. It is an opinion and I think it is plausible, probable and logical by their standards and by their own lusts.

What were the Crusades about?

In the Old Testament the people (The Hebrews) wanted meat and were tired of manna which was a white substance they could gather each day and cook except on the Sabbath when they gathered it the day before and it lasted whereas it did not last if they gathered it the night before on any other day and so God sends them a bunch of quails and I guess the people get very sick. Maybe a reference to goody two shoes such as Dan Quails? At Christmas a a few years back when my dad was alive still I had been shopping at Scrivners a really cool store in the San Antonio area. Good restaurant and a fun place to go shopping and in the window was a painting of a pheasants or quail and the best part of the art work was the frame which looked like carved feathers. It was a very small painting but it was really pretty and I wanted it for Christmas and hinted my ass of for it and and I was disappointed I didn’t get it. It had been a long time since I had acted that way about something I shouldn’t expect but I did after or before I had read about the quails in the Old Testament. Kind of funny.

Don’t Get Your Panties in a Wad

They kind of were. Sometimes when i sit down to eat they do that when I get up I have to un-wad them, but at the same time I don’t want my brother-in law making it an issue. I want to un-wad them without hearing about it. You know? Every little thing I do kind of harassment.

My ex just told me he was at the paint store recently or construction store where paint is sold and the Mexicans illegal ones cut in line and so did a white guy and then he stood up for himself after teaching the people in line AND behind the counter at the store that cutting in line isn’t cool because this is America. The white guy said “Don’t get your panties in a wad” and the ex said he turned around and stared at him and said “my panties are not in a wad” which of course has to do with when we were in San Antonio and the B-I-L (brother-in-law) chided me seductivly in my ear when I got up from dinner to walk the river with my family and with my niece’s kids when my little sister told me not to watch the kids by the river and let my sister watch them since it was her duty to watch them. IT was Gary’s duty as well but he loved letting others do it for them and didn’t care if they fell in the river and they didn’t but if they had I highly doubt he would have jumped in to save them from the rats and snakes and from drowning in the darkness probably so he would not have to give his daughter and her husband money for being relatives one of which he made and managed. They have at least five kids last I knew. Beautiful kids because she is beautiful in her way. I think she represents the ANKH for her husband LEVI.

 I wonder – would her panties have been in a wad

if I let her little boy look over the ledge three stories high

and he fell to his death?

Maybe Gary had taken out a life insurance policy on him because he sure didn’t act like he gave a shit when he let his Very Young Grandson get separated about 3 or so blocks away and never said a word like “Thanks for watching out for my daughter’s son.” even though I treated you like a piece of dingle berry in his own ass in return.

You think I don’t know, do ya? Fuck you and your ridiculous family!  He loved putting people in jeopardy to scare his wife, my family, me as he threw his first born at about one year old about an inch away from a ceiling fan. There are so many examples of some kind of mental disorder. Some kind of twisted entertainment.

I remember at the condo when Kristen was about 8 or 9 years old and we were all sitting around the dinette table of the condo at Padre and I got up to go to the balcony to have a cigarette and my niece didn’t want me to smoke. We had a small tiff about it because I didn’t want her to interfere with my break from family that I needed because I smoke and sometimes I like to get away from small areas and family and look at the ocean for solace and it really upset the people inside especially my sister, her mom. She was pissed at me because I guess I was rude. It wasn’t that big a deal but she made it worse because I had held my ground and went anyway and I guess felt I was too harsh with her daughter which is possible but I was with family and sometime you need a break and is far better than watching my sister talk to a client on the phone about stupid shit for hours on end loud enough not to be able to do anything but hear her talk and we had to be a bit quiet as well so she could hear her client for hours one end while on vacation and waiting for her to get ready to have some fun at the beach with the kids. She loved to waste other people’s time on her and her shit for clients I think she and them owe me some money for my time wasted on their pettiness because usually her clients were petty worrying about nonsense. Didn’t they know she would find a great gift at the store for her clients? As I went to go to the balcony I walked by their room and the shower was on because you could hear it and see steam and the door to the room was wide open as I walked by and glanced and there was Gary standing in front of the end of the bed stark naked stroking his hard dick posing for me. Funny because I just realized my sister was in the dinette area as well or she would not have known Kristen and I had had a small confrontation. I had tried to remember where she was thinking she was in the shower in their room and Gary was on his way to join her but he was using the shower as an excuse to be naked for me. I loved that Kristen cared of course but she was a kid and I wanted to do what I wanted to do. Like her dad wanted to do what he wanted to do and she never made it an issue with him anyway partially because they erased her mind or made her think it was okay to harass other women and female family members sexually. Her mom didn’t make her think it was wrong, either. We were supposed to enjoy it and we didn’t. So what if he has a 2 foot dick when hard? It wasn’t mine and I didn’t want it either. It was my sister’s and she had to get her vagina enlarged during one childbirth to enjoy it. She didn’t know or he didn’t bother to teach her to masturbate if you want to have fun during sex if you need to. Perhaps he never warmed her up like a good man would. A real man. He was getting off on his sexual escapades of dreaming about sneaking up on the unwary when asleep which most people are unwary when asleep and most people don’t want him fucking with them when sleeping or at dinner or at the office or while watching a good movie with the family or going to the balcony so his wife can mistreat them later for his sexual imaginations of degrading females. He ought to just hang out at the morgue for females or in the morgue at a hospital before bodies are taken to be buried to have sex. That is what it is like or similar to. Go ahead and drink some more Calamine lotion and see if I care. I never saw an ad on tv about drinking Calamine lotion. She did it too. She went into my sister’s dark kitchen at night to get something for her tummy and picked up a bottle never looking at the label and took a swig after my little sister witnessed Gary peeking his dick out his pants posing it and positioning it so I could have a birds eye view of his dick sticking out his pants and I wanted my little sister to have one as well because she was sitting next to me. She kind of got interested at that time in a weird way but I don’t think she ever bothered to tell anyone for me as a sister and after that he started hassling her under the table etc. She had seen him years before driving in his white Lincoln Continental around White Rock Lake with a blond woman. Probably the blond model my sister modeled with for the magazine Pennies while in college and was one of her suite mates. I called the poison center that night to find out if she would be okay after she came in with her lips stained in pink to tell me what she had done and she went upstairs and my dad followed. I didn’t know he followed her but Gary came in and told me because my little sister and I made a cruel joke about it. It wasn’t meant to be cruel it was hard not to. It was more of a mimic of her face as she was telling us which was basically crossing her eyes,  act like she was taking a swig and pursing her lips and then the expression of a person known as the richest woman in the world who had had a lot of face surgery.

From then on every time she was drunk or drinking and around me my little sister used to prompt the calamine expression and tell stories about me when I dumped some marijuana in a drain outside our house. I was about 14 and came home from somewhere I was that day and the house was dark, the front door was wide open, and no one was home. I was afraid someone was in the house but I went into my bedroom to my desk because the drawer was wide open and I went to see what was going on and there was about a pound of marijuana in a bag and so somehow my little sister arrived and we discussed it and were freaking out as well and then a guy was driving in our neighborhood and on our street not just once a guy who had had a crush on my best friend driving around in his red Camaro who was also the police captains son who looked just like HardBall Chris Matthews. This was in Alexandria Virginia. So yea I threw it away down the drain in front of our house but I never heard the end of it at every opportunity at parties I had to hear about it and yes it was funny but it was only a pound. LOL. She tended to extend and exaggerate the story for 40 years or more. Remember when… and sometimes you didn’t want to remember in front of tons of people at a party or a gathering or whereever and hoping not to make a bad impression.

 Who wouldn’t have thrown it away?

She was with me so she helped. She was only 13 months younger.

Things aren’t always what they seem to be and nor are people but truly I believe it has to do with the BGEA:

MIND CONTROL AND FORGETFULNESS AND SOME FORM OF THE SON OF CONSOLATION WRITTEN ABOUT IN THE BIBLE.

WHAT MADE IT COMEDIC WAS AFTER I THREW IT AWAY I WONDERED NOT FOR JOY WHETHER IT WASN’T SOMETHING MY FRIENDS AND I HAD PURCHASED TOGETHER. (I NEVER HAD MONEY) AND SO IT FREAKED ME OUT EVEN MORE!. THEN WHEN I MOVED I GOT LETTERS SAYING WE FORGIVE YOU AND I DIDN’T KNOW What THE letters  MEANT AND I DIDN’T ASK EITHER. The letters didn’t say. ONE OF THE GUYS we knew was a BIG DEALER IN THE AREA and he might have given it to me and didn’t tell me. I do not know. He was A GUY ABOUT 26 YEARS OLD with a long beard who drove around in an antique car and hung out at the park with kids my age and some even younger and some older and he

HAD A CRUSH ON MY OTHER FRIEND WHO WAS

15 or 16 years old

(He would call me looking for her. A 26 year old man but I was a kid and I did not know better and its not like I was gonna tell my parents at that age.)

and he could have left it

but the signs of all the things about the house stunk big time like the police captain’s son. someone as depraved as Chris Matthews who had a thrill up his leg for Barack Obama.

I did not like him and nor did my best friend. It is possible he was the guy who burned her arm and hand with his lit cigarette butt playing some kind of game with her or threatening her or another guy I wrote about. His name was BROCK. Maybe both. When I moved all my friends moved so the letters I received were from civilians we sort of knew. My friends were all military kids from different branches of the military. It was suspicious to the nth degree and I was only a kid! Most military people move around the same time of year between school semesters and usually in the summer.

The drug dealer was a TOWNIE

and

Ohhhhhh he was also a

BIG TIME

MORAL LAUREL.

His name was TOM FOLEY and he had a younger brother named JIM

as in James Foley

who lost his leg in the war. 

I think with my little sister it was kind of a way to be connected to me which I can understand. Who wouldn’t want to be connected to me. I loved her. She changed quite bit. After my big operation  by a year or so I was trying to find a way to make money and she talked me into selling designer jeans and she as above main the pyramid scheme and finally she had a party and said she invited 300 people and then it got up to 500 people and 2 people showed up. So she lied her ass off. I worked my ass off and then she got mad at me for not being more energetic. Then when she lived with me I was on the phone to someone (no one I knew) and she ran through the living room and was talking looking for something and I didn’t answer her right away and she said “Can’t you multi task?” I couldn’t believe it. I had made her breakfast in bed a fewe times when she couldn’t get out of bed because she was so depressed and was living in my daughter’s bedroom. Then when she married the asshole and was living in Bridalwood she had a garage neighbor hood sale and told me my mosaic I was selling was a distraction to the customers and to move it. She was hanging with a real nice chic in the neighborhood and then when I had my operation told me she would help me take care of the kids and stay in town and her husband called and she had to go home to do laundry for her grown sons and so she didn’t help and then when she finally got her divorce and remarried after living with me for over a year and when I got divorced would not help me because she had a new husband. So whatever her motives were then and before the infamous meeting and told me things it wasn’t necessarily FOR ME it was FOR HER. I guess to impress my brother.

The last time I heard from my little sister she was calling me the devil and satan in some e-mails and then she she wrote she wanted her sister back (as in Me). so I played some psychology and said “if your sister is satan and the devil why do you want her back?”

and she never responded. 

Anyway, we could not believe she had picked up someone else’s bottle of medicine and usually calamine is in a plastic squeeze bottle. I have no idea how this calamine was stored. She was lucky she didn’t drink Caladryl. I have no idea how she was able to take a swig because every time I have had to use calamine lotion which  wasn’t often  a few times in your lifetime even when raising kids but basically you had to squeeze it and most of the time if it had ever been used before it dried up on the hole and in the hole and in the bottle and usually you had to take a needle to open the pin hole in order for anything to come out of the bottle so she must have really wanted a drink of calamine. It was not that bad but may be a bit insensitive. It was a strange night. I think we were watching the Last of the Mohicans and took a break from it. I did not know it hurt her feelings and wasn’t meant to. She never said it hurt her feelings and I could have handled it if she let on about it. I would have said Hey we called the poison center and we knew you were gonna be okay and we had a sense of humor about it. It wasn’t that funny but my little sister used to like to go on a bit about the same thing until there wasn’t anything left to laugh about. Over did it, often. I  knew she wasn’t gonna die because she hadn’t drunk enough of it but was gonna have to spit it out by throwing up and she did and my dad cleaned up after her which was pretty sweet. Gary didn’t. He would not have done it for either of his daughter’s either. He didn’t give a shit about my sister. She was his cover. She was his defense.  A Hillary. And so were his kids. He came and told us because he wanted us to feel bad for what we did which wasn’t anything really except have a sense of humor. I could tell by the timing of his information about my dad. And it was also a cover to try to make us feel bad for something we didn’t cause but in his mind we did cause it (a normal rapists conclusion) and possibly in hers as well which is sociopathic and insane. Like putting the cart before the horse kind of insanity and to make my  little sister possibly forget? I wish someone would stick his own dick in his mouth and stuff way down deep for a while so he can gag on it for a while. He used her to get to us in any way he could. She did the same about him in any way she could. The deal is she had tummy troubles because she had some kind of allergy to corn and corn products, she thought, and which are in many products we consume which made her have gas, fart a bunch and diahrea at the worst of times, like as you are walking down the aisle of grocery store or dress store and especially if you were behind her or on a driving trip in the middle of nowhere lost and no bathrooms or gas stations with bathrooms around or when the windows were up and forgetting to say hey roll down your windows, because once I did notice I would try to walk somewhere else like ahead of her, next to her, or a few feet away or roll down the window. I didn’t mind it because she was my sister when she left her smell around. I knew she had some kind of problem. How many times have you walked down an aisle and noticed someone left a stink. And often I just used to plug my nose as if you are going to swim under water. She made it a joke too when she did leave a bit of herself about and we would laugh together about it and try to outrun it without anyone noticing. To her it was kind of humorous because what else you gonna do but laugh about it and try to find a bathroom. She couldn’t help it. I think it became a problem after child birth or more of a problem because that is when it kind of arose as a problem because of child birth or possibly because of his dick hurting her inside, i don’t know. He used to fart and loved talking about flatulation which was a great deal of what he enjoyed talking about as did my other brother-in-law and usually jokes you had heard before and especially after seeing the western movie with cowboys around the campfire fart scene. It became fodder for many years for the average male. At some point she was pregnant in her fallopian tube and had to have an emergency abortion or she would have died which may have been part of her problem as well.

Her favorite perfume for many years was

Channel#5.

She had good taste in some things.

I was one of them.

I wonder if someone put calamine lotion in her Pepto Bismal bottle for the trip.

Gary wouldn’t do that, would he?

I just don’t see how the mistake could have been made. They bottle calamine that way making it hard to drink for the sake of kids protection from poisoning themselves. They make it hard so it’s kind of bewildering how my sister was able to swig calamine lotion even in the dark.

It’s a family affair, it’s a family affair.

Sly & The Family Stone – A Family Affair

Why not?

The next morning we woke up to OJ Simpson in a white van running from the cops on some highway in California because he had just beheaded or almost beheaded his ex-wife in her yard and killed her boyfriend leaving their kids in her house with a bunch of lit candles burning without anyone giving a shit because the people that did give a shit had been killed. Could be I’m combining two weekends at my little sister’s home in the Houston area, but I think it was the same weekend. Some kind of demonic connection. It really was …. I’m sure of it.

Gary developed a disease when living in their first home in the Highland Park area on Purdue-(where they bought a small two bedroom fixer-upper) the same disease as Susan Caine. PURPURA and while he had his spleen removed he was infected via the blood supply during the operation at Medical City Hospital with Hepatitus B or the one of the Hepatituses which is the bad one which affects the liver and he was advised not to drink or not to drink as much. I did visit him once while he was recuperating in the hospital with my husband because he was family. I didn’t want to visit him but I felt I should because he was family and because he was my sister’s husband and because it made me uncomfortable being near him without my sister around. It was a short visit. He had an incision from his chest to his tummy, I think. Looked like it anyway. It was not wide and I think he got stitches. Purpura is a blood disorder and I guess you get red spots on your skin as a warning or a symptom. Weird both he and Susan Caine had the same disorder pretty close in time like within a year or so, maybe? She had it first. I don’t know how it is caught or how a person gets it. HMMMMMM. I wasn’t married when they bought it and my brother had met his future second wife when they lived there or during the time they owned (a couple of years) it so I guess it must have been after that house he developed Purpura because my husband was with me when we visited him in the hospital and I had not met my future husband yet. I wouldn’t have known about Susan and her Purpura other than through my sister and her husband because we did not hang out together ever unless I had to and at my sister’s home with her. She was not a friend of mine but similar to a friend I had. We all have one of those. Everyone has got one. It’s inevitable in this world anyway. Like some cheese gets better with time and some doesn’t depending on the amount of time we are referring to. People change. That house was where my brother almost shot his foot off playing with Gary’s gun he found under the bed while he was on the phone with someone which was an improvement because Gary used to hide his gun under his pillow. He was a brick shy. I think most guys are. when Malachi was on the ledge I’m glad I was there at that time if not for Kristen then for her son and for my parents. My older sister and Gary did not have kids at the time they lived in the fixer upper. One night while babysitting their home my brother and I opened the front door for some reason and some kind of bolt lightning or something came in the door and both of us watched it fly around the living room and the study like a balloon when the knot is undone. It was very strange and it made a noise as well. It had no substance but energy of some kind. It was a hot night. In Texas sometimes there are electric storms without rain. One night I saw a storm of bolts but in the shape of a balls that were bouncing all over the place and very loud and kind of frightening because of the noise. It’s a rare occurrence. I have only seen that kind of a storm once but I assume it has happened before however I have never looked it up to find out.

Later when met sister was in the last house I ever saw her in that they owned she had something done about the corn allergy after going to doctors about it. She had an operation. I can’t remember the hospital but in Dallas. either Medical City or  St. Paul, possibly one nearby. There are alot of hospitals in certain areas. The operation was on a Friday and I guess he snipped her ureter between the bladder and the kidney, I think by mistake. He had a German name as I recall and wasn’t like real friendly or anything. Luckily he figured it out JUST IN TIME and fixed it or she would have died. They still sued and made some money on it. Good money. She wore a urine bag for a few months. Around the same time she had plastic surgery on her nose for a deviated septum and more and ended up being a nose similar to my little sister who had a very pretty nose . My little sister had a fall in her closet and broke it and it was never the same. It still was pretty but it wasn’t the same. The nose on my older sister did not really fit her face imo but she obviously had a thing about my little sister’s nose all along or maybe Gary did. She also had her boobs enlarged. My little sister had done the same thing years before and it helped her. Her husband made an issue of it so she did it in shabby place but did it anyway. I didn’t really care for what the results were except in clothing. But the shape wasn’t quite right but it didn’t matter as long as she and he liked it. He took a chance having it done where she had it done. I never saw the place but she told me about it. My older sister’s jealous jacuzzi daughter mentioned my sister’s nose and boobs once that I know of and had seen earlier pictures of my older sister and my older sister (her mother) lied to her about it. Perhaps one day eventually she told the truth, but I doubt it. For years my younger sister told me that my older sister was competing with her on houses, pools, obviously men, noses, and plastic surgeries. She had a chin lift and partial face lift and tried to act like she didn’t. My younger sister resented it because she was really was an open book about her surgeries and wanted to share but I think it has to do with how she got the surgeries she got. I think my older sister used the system –insurance fraud and had a lot of help doing it. What happened at the office and partially why I was ganged up on had to do with illegal stuff I happened upon and didn’t realize till I went to real estate school what my sister and her husband were doing and the company they worked for was illegal big time. It might have been a set up in order for the company to side with my older sister and Gary to protect them. Pretty shitty. It really is. I was in a rough place, between a rock and hard place. So was my mom and dad and probably a lot of people. She probably took lessons from Hillary and wasn’t Hillary in the insurance business before she became what she became? Yep.

I went shopping with her to help her find a dress for New Years party  or event she was going to and her husband and her were with a partner of his at the time and his wife and she had humongous boobs that hung low. She was a dog in the face but she wore a dress and the opening was at her waist and my sisters husband was impressed by it. She bought a beautiful black dress kind of short. She had pretty long legs. The back was in a vee to the waste and was sharp looking on her and she wore pretty jewelry. Her husband had her in tears that night because she did not expose her bosoms and he liked the way the other woman hung hers. She had to go to the bathroom to cry and clean up her face afterwards. When she left the bathroom to go back to the table a man came by I guess a good looking guy and told her how beautiful she looked. She looked beautiful in the dress at the store. CLASSY. My sister was in a class of her own compared to the other woman. People used to say she looked like Raquel Welch in the face and she came by it naturally. She had a problem sometimes with weight but even when over weight she was beautiful. Beautiful smile and a fun smile. Older men loved her for her smile, her humor and her pretty face. One of the things my dad loved about her was her humor. He got a kick out of her. Of course she was his daughter so no wonder. She had pretty high cheek bones like my mom.  But she still messed around with some stuff to improve herself in her eyes like lip injections and tattooing liners etc. The lip injections were not helpful but the style of lips that is the fad these days are plump lips. I hated how they did it to her because she was too aware of them like the press guest Laura InGraham:

PSSSST: DONT DO IT AGAIN. EVERYONE KNOWS AND IT DOES NOT IMPROVE YOUR LOOKS. You are not talking normal. YOU LOOKED FINE BEFORE. Honestly JUST GET THEM COLORED-tattooed LIKE THE CHARACTER ON THE SOAP OPERA – ERIKA of GENERAL HOSPITAL and buy the snake poison lip plumper.

and talked funny because of them but she was aiming to please and to please her second husband as well who did not deserve her. He kind of messed her thinking up. Her first husband even though a jerk in some ways in regards to boobs and her talents was still better than the second one because THEY LOVED EACH OTHER.

Her second husband was a user and a half.

COLD AS ICE. 

whom she met on line at a dating service after a few other stupid dates she endured. He was from Michigan. DAVID number 2 as in poop and resembled quite a bit

DOD CHUCK HAGEL

HOW MUCH WOOD COULD A WOODCHUCK CHUCK IF  A WOOD CHUCK

COULD

CHUCK WOOD ?>?

Who never questioned Barack Obama’s Motives

Mr. GET READY AMERICA.

Ready the Secret service agent?

the Ring-bearer for the Queen’s anniversary Diamond Jubilee Celebration!

OR

George Ball of the LARGE (LODGE) “Mr. Nothing Propinks like Propiniquity” you know the guy who messed with JFK and OSWALD who is seen in the pictures at the jail before OSWALD was knocked off for posterity and who probably had a whole bunch to do with the entrance of the US into the Viet Nam war and the assassination of JFK!

I THINK HE THINKS HE IS KING DAVID

LOL Schnicker Snicker

and is self-deluded

There is a network when you get divorced in some places

to catch a pail of water. 

When her first husband’s dad was having health problems in older age she found him one day and he had fallen while naked and he couldn’t get up. She helped him and he made some jokes with her and loved her as a daughter-in-law for some of the same reasons my dad did. She helped to take care of him for nothing as much as she could but I don’t think anyone noticed or appreciated it. He was divorced but he and his wife while they were not  did live close to each other and were civil. The mother-in -law did not appreciate my sister and compared her often to the first wife he had and created trouble for her. The daughter-in -law she had from her step son also created trouble for her (his second wife). The one who sang like an angel with blond hair and chips fell out of her mouth when she talked.  The one who said I had a winker in my eye. The Church lady. Her step son had some troubles because of being a kid from divorce but my sister was good to him as a step mom though he one day had a problem of some kind and put a gun to her head. Some how they got past it. I don’t recall that she had to go to jail or he had to go to jail. I don’t think anyone called the police on him. I had to for nothing. Her step daughter overdosed on aspirin once but made it through. Had her stomach pumped but she lived. She lost her daughter at three years of age at her birthday party. My sister wasn’t there and I bet if she had been it wouldn’t have happened, but you never know and believe me I know she was imperfect but she did not put a gun to your head. I mean that amicably.

The woman that helped my older sister when she had her ureter cut had white hair and my older sister thought she was an angel course she thought the priest on the plane was somehow related to GOd and she resembled Billy Grahams daughter in the overall appearance. She told my sister that having surgery on a Friday isn’t the best of time to have surgery. She must have had quite a history in surgery knowledge but I guess that was as good an excuse as any. She helped my sister and tried to keep up with health situation details while she was at the hospital so my sister didn’t have to worry about it herself. Someone I guarantee hired her. I have no idea how she met her but probably the lady across the street who got her involved in the BGEA and those women retreats in the Carolinas. It’s my guess anyway. Usually I knew but things change and so do relationships. What my sister did not realize is she had been had. Sneaky people. I guess it was worth it.

I guess the word that describes my oldest sister was the word devious. She did not start out that way. I think SMU molded the deviousness in her-Being around a bunch of rich kids. I’m not against someone having money but she developed an attitude when around her friends. IMO They thought their shit didn’t stink and it did just was much as the next guy or girl. It might have started before SMU when she rolled with Dallas. Take it how you think it means. And perhaps the Kirchers honed it in her. Her kids were not the problem. Maybe expectations have something to do with it as well. The expectations of others and it came between us as a family. Jealousy played a role. Something happened and it wasn’t good and I don’t think it was me or because of me. I think it has to do with the pillars of salt written about in the OT.

When my dad had his TIA in Dallas after driving to Dallas from San Antonio to see the birth of one of the grand kids, her grandchild was a marker of some kind. We were at the hospital at the time. I could hear echoes in the room and I could feel it and it was loud and hollow. He started talking weird and couldn’t communicate very well, but tried and mom and Tootie went to find help and Gary was in the room sitting on a ledge near the window or wall area and I was across from him. He kind of was amused and raised his eyebrows in a funny way at me about my dad. I told my dad not to try to talk because it wasn’t helping it just got worse. Later on it was amusing after he was okay but it was a very strange thing and I know she pushed him too much for his age. Go here go there etc. Too competitive. Heightened too much.

Later in San Antonio we found out the wind or something broke off his front door to his home, right off the hinges, while they were home at some point and I think was another sign something wasn’t right. A very strange occurrence. He did change and was much more judgmental about me and I could tell he was getting strange thoughts accusatory of me while with my sister her husband and me. I could feel it. Of course lies didn’t help. The first lie especially which grew into as I said once in another post on one of my blogs, into a life of it’s own. I could tell something was bugging him about me and like he was hearing voices while he was quite weak physically which is typical of evil to attack someone when THEY are weak. I could feel it sort of and of course I was going through some things and a huge set up around that time but I had not understood it and I think he was being set up as well. The whole family was including my sister in another way, even though she was involved like a pawn. He was trying to protect us as a dad of a very cool family:

His family. Her family. Their family.

 I think the wind had something to do with it as well and a chapter in the Gospel of John which talks about it. The secret follower, which I think has to do with the BGEA. As I have written the secret follower wasn’t really a secret, was it? Since it was in the

Gospel of John.

So either Nicodemus or Joseph of Arimathea. Maybe both.

Standing where it should not?

And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in hisdeath; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth.
What is deceipt?
  1. the action or practice of deceiving someone by concealing or misrepresenting the truth.

I know my dad is okay because he is special and so is my mom and together they are a force to contend with. A good force. Believe me, and they are not done.

 They will not give up because of their love.

You would’ve had to have known my parents to understand.

Let The River Run

Cyndi Lauper – She Bop

I think the Commandments about parents and kids is really important to God

and they do proceed the other commandments after.

Cyndi Lauper – Time After Time

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